A
female
age
30-35,
*iL Miss
writes:I need some good advice, I'm 18 and I'm in college it's my first year. I found out that I'm one month pregnant and I don't know what to do. I feel as if my life is over. I'm thinking about getting an abortion without anyone knowing. Is that wrong, to not tell anyone that I'm pregnant, and that I'm going to sneak to get an abortion?
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female
reader, Sweety Pie  +, writes (11 January 2011):
 No, its completly your choice. If its only your first year of college you might not know if your friends there are seriously against abortion or something, so best to keep these things quite.
If you have a close friend that you trust, you should probably confide in her, because its a serious mental strain. And probably a good idea to tell the father, if you two are on good terms.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2011): Despite much talk from others believe me you are perfectly entitled to make this decision.
But telling someone you know (other the professionals in the privacy of the medical clinic) means others mayl get told. That's why it's better to get it done quietly and and resume your normal life. If you need some counselling after it is done then get that happening.
You do not have to seek nor ask for confirmation nor permission (re is it OK) of anyone else.
Of course this is a sound decision on your part if you are not in a position to have a baby now.
If you are at a time in your life when now may not be the right time to bring an unplanned baby into your life, then an abortion . Your studies and your career beckon.
And it is precisely because of uninformed hysteria from some that you should keep it to yourself to avoid the bias from others. It is your body and it is your decision.
Stay with the fact that at this time in your life is not right for a baby. In ten years time you may choose to have a planned baby.
It is a medical procedure. Remember it as just a required medical procedure. As is any other form of day surgery for a medical procedure. Where once there was uninformed witch hysteria hoo-hah hundreds of years ago, it seems the same uninformed abortion hysteria hoo-hah has sprung up in it's place.
In truth it is that hysteria from others that causes hurt to to those who are criticized, not the abortion.
Ignore the hysteria for what it is = none of their business. It is your business, not anyone else's.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (11 January 2011):
 I agree with a couple of points.
1. It's your body - your choice.
2. You should tell the father.
3. Go to Planned Parenthood and get informed and IF you do get an abortion seek counselling afterwards, this is not something to take lightly. It will take a toll on you mentally.
Good luck and keep your chin up.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (11 January 2011):
 No, it is not wrong. If that is what you want to do that is your decision, and if you choose to tell someone it is because you want to, not because you have to.
But, such a decision takes courage and strength. It could be easier with the support of others, if you have anyone you are close to that could support you.
But no it is absolutely not wrong to not tell anyone. This is a private matter that concerns you. You alone decide who you want to share it with.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2011): If you have a close friend who could support you, then it might be an idea to confide. If you feel you can go ahead alone and deal with it that way, then do. You are young and have made a mistake. You need to be kind to yourself and get this sorted quickly. I am an older lady now, but it is what I would have done in your shoes.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2011): There is a time for everything, and it sounds like right now this is not the time for you to be pregnant. I too agree you need to tell ONE close friend. You need someone who can be there for you and be your rock. Plus, the clinic is likely to require someone to pick you up, so you don't try to drive afterward.
You are FAR from alone in this, there have been thousands of women before you. Take care of yourself mentally- don't beat yourself up and everything will be fine!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2011): I did the same thing at 22.I never told my mom who i live with or friends. My bf secretly drove me to have an abortion.I found out i was pregnant at 1 month and had the abortion at 6 weeks. My mom found out afterwards.Turns out she said she knew i was pregnant but was waiting for me to fess up.Then she called me a murder and a lier. She apologized couple of days later when she saw how guilty i felt.But the point is i am to young 4 a kid and in school an my bf and i had broken up.I felt guilty and even went through a faze of regret but now i feel closure.I feel so relieved.If i hadnt had the abortion i would have been a single mom,had to drop out of school,disgraced myself (my mom and ex only ones who know)and ruined my body with stretch marks and saggy breast.I just know i will never put myself in the position again to accidently get pregnant.I cant tell u what u should do but i thought i would share my experience.
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (11 January 2011):
It's not wrong, but you might want to tell your closest friend. And as C.Grant suggested, it might be at least "courteous" to tell the father of your child since it is his too. But that's up to you and the relationship you have with him. The reason why I suggest you tell a close friend is because psychologically it might have a bigger impact on you that you might think so it's good to have someone to confide in and support/be there for you.
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A
female
reader, BethanyM +, writes (11 January 2011):
You're 18 and you are free to make your own decisions.
I was 21 when had an abortion. The father of the baby was not ready to be a father in any sense of the word. At the time, I felt I had no other choice.
If you decide to have an abortion, really think through the options you have. One of which, is to give the baby up for adoption (which I'm assuming you don't want to do because you probably don't want anyone to see you pregnant, correct?) I wish I had thought of adoption as an option.
That being said, do what's right for you. But know that no matter which of the roads you take, you will still be thinking about your decision for the rest of your life. Anyone who tells you differently is lying to herself.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2011): I was 19 when I became pregnant, abortions were not legal. I married the father and 5 years later we divorced. I found my soul mate who loved my son as his own. He died just this April and my son who was a God send all through my life is now giving me strength to get through OUR loss.
When he was born, I fell in love with him as every mother can attest to. My life began the moment I saw my baby.
By the way, I am 62 years old now. Life is a blessing and all life has the inherent need to survive. All life has a purpose, until you live it and look back, you can't say it is over. Live in the moment and always remember, this life is a fragment of time compared to eternity. Make sure you and your child are on the right side of the gate.
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A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (11 January 2011):
 It's your body and your choice.
That said, do you have a relationship with the father? If you do, then courtesy might suggest that you discuss it with him. But that's subject to circumstances, and is your call entirely.
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A
male
reader, idoneitagain  +, writes (11 January 2011):
No, its not wrong, it is just not a good idea. The reason it is not wrong is that it is your decision to make, and whilst everyone will have an opinion, it is best that you make the decision that is best for you. In terms of choosing what to do, it is totally up to you.The reason it is not a good idea, however, is that it is a big decision, and on that you admit you don't know what to do. It is hard to face difficult decisions like this and to be clear about it. Talking about it is a good way to hear what other people think, for you to get other points of view, and also to be able to express how you feel to different people. Expressing your thoughts and feelings is a great way to come to a deeper understanding of what you want and what is best for you. It is also good to be able to share the most difficult things in your life with the people who are closest to you. It will help you understand which relationships are good for you and supportive, and which are not. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, DanceInTheDark +, writes (11 January 2011):
 Depends. Are you in a serious relationship with the father? If so, then you should discuss it with him.If not, well, honestly, no, it's not wrong. It's your choice. If you want to have an abortion that's absolutely understandable. It's absolutely alright if you want to get an abortion.If this is what you really want to do, then go ahead. It's your choice.If you're unsure, things you need to think about are, Can you take care of this baby? Could you give it a good life? And most of all, do you really want it? It may seem like a selfish question to ask, but does a baby deserve to be born to a mother who doesn't want her? Is the father involved in your life? Was it just a one night stand? If you are in a committted relationship, You NEED to tell him. But even if he disagrees, it's still YOUR choice. It's YOUR body.
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