A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Is this wrong to think like this? My ex did alot of stuff for me paid for meals, drove me places etc but he didn't make me feel special in a sexual way. I feel like I would of preferred him to make me feel sexually special rather than take me out for meals. He rarelt complimented me on my looks or sent me suggestive texts, what are your thoguths?
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male
reader, Silius Sodimus  +, writes (22 January 2013):
I'm not sure what the point is since he's your ex, but if your looking for advice on future relationships then your right and it's refreshing to hear a woman say what you said.
Unfortunatly most men have it all wrong. Yes there are women out there that EXPECT the man provides over everything else, but alot of women like yourself don't see the man as a portable bank teller, they wan't to feel loved and lusted over as well.
You are definately right in your feelings, I'm not sure about other guys but for me yes I like to take a girl out to dinner and yes I do feel manly, but I'm also aware services are not what attract women.
Having said that if you just wan't a guy around so he can feed your ego then your not approaching relationships very well. He should compliment you but within reason, he doesn't have to say every second of the day how good you melt into that dress or how gorgeous your eyes are e.t.c.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (31 December 2012):
 Get a hold of a copy of the book "the 5 languages of love"
it will explain to you why doing things for your ex was his way of showing love.
When my hubby and i were first together I got him to take the test and I took it as well.
For me words were the number one way I like to show and be shown love... sadly my husband's way to show love and be shown love is through acts of service...
so we did NOT mesh at all... but now we know this... so he tries to say nice things to me.... and I remind myself as I'm doing things around the house that he HATES to do that 'acts of service tell him I Love him" because when I say "I love you" to him that's a meaningless phrase.
sounds to me like you guys spoke two different languages of love.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2012): You haven't given much info here so I'm going to take a guess and say its nothing personal, but maybe he was raised in a respectful family with strict rules and old fashioned morals. By this I mean providing for the girlfriend/wife/family is number one priority, stroking his woman's ego is not.
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A
male
reader, fzald +, writes (31 December 2012):
"The Five Love Languages" is a great theory on this sort of issue.
Everyone who is in a relationship needs to feel the security and force of that relationship in different ways. It's often the disparity between two people's "love languages" that causes heartache and breakups in relationships.
The five languages are Physical Intimacy, Affirmations, Quality Time, Gifts, and Acts of Kindness. Your ex's language seemed to be acts of kindness and gifts, and maybe quality time; yours was affirmations (And maybe physical intimacy?)
You did say he's an ex so you may not have a chance to fix it with him unless you both want to. However, going forward, you should keep this in mind. Whether you try again with your ex or move onto someone new, be aware of what you need from the relationship, and make it known. It's never wrong to tell the person you're dating what you need and expect from the relationship; of course that's two-sided, you also have to be willing to listen to his needs.
Pick up the book if you want to learn more, but it's definitely a great theory and an interesting topic to study if you want to have fulfilling relationships.
Best of luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2012): Its not his fault that you dont like yourself very much. It is not his job to feed your ego.
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