A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Is it wrong to go to a prostitute to make yourself feel better?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2007): it's not going to make you feel any better ... not really. the thing about break-ups is they're terrible and the pain can be all-consuming, but sooner or later you just have to feel it all, sort of like if someone close to you dies. the best you can hope for, with drinking, drugs, prostitutes, etc., is to delay the inevitable, which generally just makes it worse. my advice is to shut yourself in for a while with some movies - scary if you want to have your mind totally blank, drama if you want to just ball your eyes out - and give yourself permission to be an utter disaster for a while. after a couple of weeks, go to the gym and start mixing that in with your nights of self-pitying. it'll be more effective than a hooker.
A
female
reader, stina  +, writes (23 February 2007):
 Hi again Anonymous,
In that case, I don't think it'd be a good decision to go to a prostitute. If you want to feel better, perhaps you should try to talk to someone about the pain you're going through and get everything out in the open. Talking about things like this is one way that people can feel better - it gets everything off of their chest.
Have you had closure from your break up? Maybe you need to call your ex and see about talking things through. It might end up being a very positive experience for the both of you. I suggest talking about things like what went wrong and what could have been different. Remember, this conversation is supposed to be benefitting you, and if you feel as though it's not helping, you can always stop talking about it. The last thing you want to do is call up your ex when you feel crummy just to end up having an argument that will make you feel worse. Plus if you understand what happened and why things had to end, then you might have a better understanding of how to avoid any potential problems with a relationship in the future.
If you don't feel comfortable talking to your ex, or if you two are not on speaking terms anymore then have you considered talking with a friend? It'd be nice to talk with someone who might have some advice specific to what sort of person you are (since that person would be your friend he/she would know you better than someone here). If you don't have many friends that could give advice, at least they might be able to be there as a shoulder to cry on or just to hear you rant. Because honestly, it sounds like you need to release lots of negative emotions. Friends are supposed to be there for this sort of thing, you know? They care about you and I'm sure they'd want to be there to help you out in a time of need.
If you don't have a close friend, you could maybe open up about what happened here on Dear Cupid. Or even you could try writing all of your feelings out on paper. Because, like I said, you need to release all of this negativity you're feeling. Maybe when you write everything out you can think about the things you would have brought up with your ex. Like what happened, what could have been done, what should be done in the future.
You could also try to go to a therapist if you feel you need professional help. A lot of times people seek the help of a therpist during times of loss, no matter what the circumstances are. You shouldn't feel you don't have a need to see someone if you feel like you might want to. There's no problem too small for a counslor to help out with - even if you only go for a few sessions.
Okay, so back to seeing a prostitute. Depending on where you go, you might turn an already crappy situation into something far worse. I mean, right now you're probably feeling a whole array of bad feelings: depression, anger, bitterness, etc. Do you really want to top it off with possibly contracting an std? Depending on the person who you get with, there's always that possibility.
One of my friends actually went to see a prositute. He was severely depressed and on top of that people forgot his birthday. He was already depressed to begin with and the fact that he felt like people totally forgot about him sent him over the edge. He drove into the city and had sex with the first protstitute he saw. The next day he was filled with fear and was disgusted by himself. He went to a clinic and got tested for every imaginable std, including HIV/AIDS. Six months later (that's how long the test took), he finally found out that he was okay. The whole six months, though, he was sick to his stomach with what he had done. But that's because normally he would never had done any of that in the first place. He ended up going to see a therapist, got on some anti-depressants and came to terms with everything.
Now, I realize that everyone is different and that his story may not be what happens to you. But the main point I'm trying to make is this: don't do anything you know you'll regret. Is a small amount of time receiving pleasure really worth risking how you feel and your health?
If you do decide to visit a prositute, be safe. Depending on where you live there may be some "recommended" prostitutes you could visit. But I seriously think you need to just get all of your feelings out somehow. Feeling better physically does not mean that you're going to feel better emotionally.
Take care.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIt's because of a break-up
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A
female
reader, stina +, writes (23 February 2007):
Hi Anon,
Feel better in what way? If it's purely sexual, then I don't see a problem with it. You two would be consenting adults and therefore there should be no problem.
If it's to feel better on an emotional level, I don't think this is a good idea. Can you be more specific? Because I think that there is a deeper issue here and I don't think many people will be much help without knowing more of your problem...
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A
female
reader, katzkitten +, writes (23 February 2007):
 i supose this would depend on your situation and what you were trying to make yourself feel better from. more info would be helpful but for now, i dont think so aslong as you have no other attachments it should be fine, but it isnt a good long term fix. like i said more info would be helpful. good luck xxx
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