A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been dating my boyfriend for a year now, and the only problem I ever have with him is when he drinks. He just turned 20, and has been drinking since 16 or 17. I don't like it. I don't believe getting drunk is safe (a close friend's sister was killed by a drunk driver and my grandpa was an alcoholic.), so the subject always bothers me, and it always will. I care about him, and I feel like when he drinks behind my back, even though we've talked about no doing it, he just disappoints me.I don't know if I should pretend it's not happening or what because I've already realized confronting him doesn't work at all, and I just end up in tears.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2010): Get far away and find someone else, he's young and is going to cause a lot of damage before this ends, maybe with his death.
"I don't know if I should pretend it's not happening or what because I've already realized confronting him doesn't work at all, and I just end up in tears."
Open your eyes, see what you see, and don't pretend that you don't.
Yeah, you will end up in tears.
Alcohol abuse and dependence is not fun. I'm now a non-drinker, not because of me, but because of 1 grandfather (alcoholic), 1 uncle (alcoholic), 4 cousins (alcoholics, all arrested, all divorced, one in a wheelchair because of a car accident while intoxicated), 1 father in law (alcoholic), one sister in law (alcoholic), 2 stepsisters (alcoholic/drug abusing), and god only knows who else I don't know about.
As the tally mounted, a couple of years ago, I stopped drinking totally.
Then, my wife started having problems even before I realized it and I was watching because of the mounting family history (she is a self professed alcoholic and in recovery and no longer drinking but after going to some counseling sessions she admitted to drinking WHILE driving this year and I'd never have dreamed that she would have done this).
Keep your eyes open.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2010): I'm the asker.
The thing is, his parents and other adults provide him with the alcohol, so if I brought anything up to them they'd see nothing wrong with it. I guess my views on what's a parent are a bit different than theirs' and I'm thirty to forty years younger.
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A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (27 November 2010):
 Have you considered breaking up with him? I know that might sound quite dramatically unecessary but I think it is what you need to do. Does he know about why you hate that he drinks? If he is aware of it all, he is generally being an inconsiderate jerk of a boyfriend or perhaps he is an alcohol addict.
How does he react when you confront him? Does he promise that he will try?
You cry and cry and he does nothing. You beg him to stop but he refuses. This is not something you can put behind you, you cannot pretend this is not happening. It may in fact lead to something he cannot take back because that is what alcohol does to people. It ruins everything. Either he treats you like a man should treat his love or you leave him and find happiness elsewhere.
I hope that helps.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2010): Well I kinda know what your going through my father was a real bad drunk and the only thing my family and i could do was talk to him about trying to stop and got him to go to rehab for a whileso my advice is trying to talk to his parents about it
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