A
male
age
36-40,
*verture to Don Giovanni
writes:Ok, long story short. I'm 20 and met a girl online 3 months ago. She told me she was 16 and we got along great! We laughed with each other, flirted, you know, things like that. Eventually I developed feelings for her. I couldn't help it because she was so sweet and flirtatious and I liked it.A few weeks later she told me she was 14, not 16. Everything continued as normal though and we continued to chat to each other online.Even after she told me her true age, I still have feelings for her. So my question is this:Is it wrong for me at 20 to have feelings for a 14 year old girl who first told me she was 16?I don't have sexual feelings towards her. I'm no pervert or anything like that but my friend thinks it's sick! I think about her 24/7 and we'll probably never meet as she lives in the UK and me in the US.Any advice would be of help. Thanks:)[mod note: I have translated this from text speak. Please try and use standard English next time. Thanks!]
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2009): It is not wrong, at least in my opinion.
I have a similar problem to yours. I am 14 and I like a guy who is 17, it is also online. I met him 2 years ago and at first he was the loner and quiet type but he seemed really kind as I got to know him. Even though I know we could never be together, I still like him no matter what, and there is nothing wrong with my feelings for him because I am only human and all humans have the desire to love and be loved.
the same thing goes for you and the girl you like.
Just because you are 20 it doesn't mean that it is wrong to like someone who is 14, you just have to keep in mind that liking the person is the only thing you can do. Nothing more deep or there could be trouble. LIKING SOMEONE AND BEING LIKED ARE THINGS THAT WE CANNOT CONTROL, IT JUST HAPPENS AND WE SHOULDN'T BE BOTHERED BY IT. Though your liking for her might be just a childish love but either way it is a feeling that is pure. Treasure it, but don't over do it.
Also there is nothing wrong with flirting, it is just another sign that you like her and she likes you. But like my warning, please don't go to far or both your hearts will be crushed. I wish you best of luck in finding your true soul mate!
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (24 April 2009):
Well flirting is very fun, so if this is the first time for you then it's no wonder you are enjoying it.
But remember that you are wasting time here and it's not helping you.
Leave this girl alone and go out and talk to some actual women, not a girl.
You'll find face to face flirting is far far better as there are so many more levels.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
male
reader, Overture to Don Giovanni +, writes (24 April 2009):
Overture to Don Giovanni is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks for your input. I've never said anything inappropriate that's for sure. and see, that's the thing... I can't get a girlfriend because I'm insecure and too self-conscious, albeit good-looking. Maybe I like her flirting because I never really got that kind of attention from a girl before?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2009): It sounds like you are missing having a girlfriend and the flirtation itself is what you are enjoying. We all need attention and to feel special to someone but really you don't know this girl, only how she comes across. We can all put our best selves forward on the Internet.
There is nothing wrong with your feelings - we all have them, and you have done nothing wrong and, as you say, will probably never meet this girl.
Have you thought it might be better to find a real live girlfriend, maybe through a dating site on through your daily life?
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (24 April 2009):
The chatting and being friends is not really wrong... the flirting and thinking about her all the time is.
What I suggest you do it find a picture of a really really horrible young girl. I don't know what you find attractive in a woman but find the opposite. If you like alternative girls then find a blonde idiot looking cheer leader and the other way round.
Then imagine that your friend is the girl in the picture. Lovely to chat to but not attractive in any way.
Also remember that you do not really know this girl, you only know the bits of her that she chooses to show you. So yes it's fine to chat to people online but remember she's not a real person and you are filling in bits of her personality with your imagination.
Think of her as a pen pal. Someone fun to chat to (try not to flirt too much) but nothing more.
The fact you are here and worried about it says to me that you are a nice guy so don't worry too much.
Good Luck!! xx
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