A
female
age
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anonymous
writes:I have known my husband for 34 years, we have been together for 13 years, 8 of them married. He recently told me he was interested in wearing women's clothing. At first I didn't know what to say, I was very confused. Then I cried a lot and tried to blame myself in some way. I know it's not my fault but I am trying to process everything. He told me he had never told anyone this and that he has only done it a couple of times in his life. He said it has nothing to do with sex. I love him and don't want to hurt him in any way but I know in my heart I cannot live with a man who wants to do this. He told me he doesn't want to do this and is going to go to a therapist to find out why this happens to him and he doesn't want it to. He say's it scares him that this feeling has come over him a few times in his life, especially when he has been stressed. I shouldn't be looking ahead but I fear a therapist will tell him he should not deter from dressing in women's clothes. I guess I just want my life to be the way it was but at the same time I don't want to hurt him. Is it wrong for me to know, that I am sure, I cannot be with a partner who wants to do these things? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (6 October 2013):
 First of all, it is NOT in any way shape or form your "fault" he feels that way. NOT AT ALL.
Second of all it IS a lot to process, specially after all these years together.
It must be really overwhelming - I can't even imagine. And personally, it would be a deal breaker for many. Would be for me.
It IS a choice for him, to do it or not to do it. The fact that he is actively seeking therapy to figure out why he feels this way is a good thing. So I would support him in getting help. However, he might find that he NEEDS to do that, then you have to decide if that is OK or not.
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female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (6 October 2013):
 Hi there,
This is a really big thing for you to take it, so it's no wonder that you're so overwhelmed. I think there are a few more questions for you to answer - what is it about this that bothers you so much? Is it that he is no longer the same person to you? That he is no longer "masculine"? Or that it just creeps you out?
I think with that much history behind you two, if you have had a good and fulfilling marriage, that you ought to go to therapy with him for awhile and not run away quite yet. You owe it to your marriage to find out more about this part of him and TRY. 13 years is a lot to throw away so quickly, especially if they have been good years.
It's not wrong of you to feel like this is a deal-breaker. But, I encourage you to find out more by going to therapy with him. He is not a freak of nature, he is a man with curiosities, urges, feelings. Cross-dressing is not terribly unusual. I imagine that he is probably more ashamed, worried and anxious than you are - it doesn't sound like he wants to lose you or his marriage. Please take a deep breath and thank him for trusting you with this secret. Tell him that you need some time to adjust. But don't treat him like an aberration. He is still the husband you have always had - now you just know more about him.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (6 October 2013):
 You are probably questioning, as much as you feel repulsed and don't understand what he is doing, at the same time you know that there are women who are accepting it. I myself can not accept a husband doing it. I can make friends who have fetishes. I sometimes find them inspiring because they are out of the norm, and so unique. But for a husband I just can't deal with it. It took him a lot of nerve to come out to you. He knows he risks losing you but he needs someone to cherish him and value him just the way he is. Probably someone with a similar fetish as well so they can both be each other's safety haven to go home to.
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