A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:hi i am a single mother of three sons, and in a long distance relationship. we have been together now for two and a half years.My partner also has two children from previous relationships.we live quite a distance from each other and usually get to see each other every two weeks or so.We alternate each time on who travels to who.We have spoken in the past about the future on many occasions, and where i am all for living together with all of our children, he said that it would not work and we should just carry on as we are.I get on very well with his children and treat them as i treat my own, he also gets along well with mine.i am thinking now that i do not want this kind of relationship, id much prefer to be with him as a 'proper couple'? he is forty now and i am 36, is it worth holding on in there, and hoping he will change his mind on this? If i thought there was a chance i would deffinately wait it out as i do love this man.
View related questions:
long distance Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, LadyBoss  +, writes (2 July 2009):
I have been in a LDR for many years myself and recently broken up to. I tell you this, no matter how much effort we put in the relationship, it will never be enough. He get too comfortable with the arrangement and if he likes to take that huge step to take it to the next level, he would have asked you already. I agreed on the previous answer. Gradually withdraw yourself from the relationship. He knows where you are, and if he sees your slipping away, he'll find you!I wasted six years of my life in a long distance relationship. And as a mother and woman myself, I dont want to see another one to suffer like i have.You can do it, i know. You have to believe in yourself that we dont need another person to fulfill our emotional needs. Prioritize your children and yourself because you deserve better and more!Goodluck!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2009): You have been together a long time. This is not a 'new' relationship and therefore something both you and your children are getting used to. It is established and the normal progression would be to live together - or at least be starting to make the relevant steps to do so in a planned way. Everyone gets on? Everything seems to be going well? However I am slightly concerned.... if not a little bit suspiscious that he does not want you in his life any more than every other weekend? You are being treated a little bit too 'conveniently' and whilst initially, in the phase of "I've been hurt before lets take things steady" that would be ok - I don't think, quite rightly on your part, that is enough any more. Perhaps your best bet is to make it clear you would like more - one way or another. If you get the same answer its time to not be so available on the weekend he allows you to see him or conversely perhaps turn up on a weekend you have not planned, as a romantic gesture without the kids, and try to find out why you are kept at a distance. Yes you love this man but the situation he is prepared to offer you is not making you happy and is not what you want. Loving someone (him loving you) is about wanting someone else to be happy. I could make excuses for him like his situation is complicated or stressful enough and to live together might add to it.... but you have been together too long for there not to be a natural progression. You might consider by withdrawing slightly from the relationship and finding other things to do on 'his' weekends - even just the once - might make him think what he could lose. In other words - you are currently making the whole thing based around what he wants and not you. Time to put yourself first?
...............................
|
