A
female
age
30-35,
*enarex
writes:Hey everyone. I know this is a stupid question to ask but is it worth it to have friends? Maybe someone can help me out here.I feel like throughout my teenage years I have been mistreated by a lot of people I considered my friends. I'm always a nice person and I try to be as friendly as possible with everyone so I don't know why this happens. If you don't mind reading, I would like to give some examples of what has happened. I was friends with a few people once and one day they all ganged up on me and started a big fight with me accusing me of things and I had no idea what they were talking about. I tried to apologize and did everything I could to make them forgive me and they didn't. They all then continued to be friends and would make fun of me and always gang up on me.The most recent occasion is I was friends with a large group of people and we have all been friends for the last 2 years. Sometimes there is a lot of drama with them. I know there is a lot of talking bad behind peoples backs that has been going on. I try to stay out of drama as much as I can. For some reason a couple of them have been acting weird with me and eventually most of them have now stopped talking to me. They were the only friends I had.So now at this point in my life, I don't feel like I have any friends, or any true friends at least. I don't feel like it's normal for a young woman like me to not have any friends so I'm coming to you guys to ask for advice. Is it really worth it to have friends? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2013): It is important to have friends, as humans are by nature social creatures and isolation is not mentally healthy. however, what you've described sounds like they're not friends at a;;. And I do think that social isolation is better than being the target of bullying. The people you described don't sound like they have good characters and that's why things turned out badly with them. A lot of young people your age are still incredibly immature, often it takes years of adulthood for people to get humbled by life problems and become better people.I think you may also have to develop a better judgment of people's character so you don't fall in with those who are selfish, catty, addicted to drama, and so on. If the only people you seem to know are like that, then you're running in the wrong circles. maybe you need more exposure to more diverse types of people.
A
female
reader, Dear Mandy  +, writes (2 May 2013):
 HI
Of course it's worth it. Finding a true friend is like finding a life long partner, you wouldn't just marry anyone would you? same goes with friends, you get to know them and if you like them you become friends, the good friends then GREAT friends. Not everyone are compatible, so in life you will have to go through many friends before you find a true one. But you will one day and realise that having one great friend is better than having many backstabbing childish ones!! and going back to the begining of your first example why did you apologise for something you had no idea of? My guessing is that maybe you try too hard to please others instead of just being you and that should be good enough for them.
Anyway, chin up, put the smile back on your face and spend time finding REAL friends, not idiots who mock you.
Mandy x
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A
female
reader, Keeley345 +, writes (1 May 2013):
Friends are important. It's nice to have someone to hang out with, talk to etc I know how you're feeling as i'm in a similar situation myself. Only difference is, i get dropped/dumped by my so called friends. This has been going on for years and i'm a nice person, confident and very sociable. So please be assured i know how you feel.Reading what you wrote i get the impression you seem to attract friends who are trouble/bad people. The friendship groups you have been in seem to have been full of drama by no fault of yours. Trust me, you don't need drama in your life or people who live and breathe it.I guess we all go through phases of having friends and then having none. This could be for many reasons. I can't work out why i always get dumped by my friends so it's hard to say why you're having problems with yours. All I can advise you is to have self respect. Don't let anyone treat you badly friends or not. Choose your friends carefully and wisely. For years I became a doormat. I attract friends but they let me down in different ways. I'd forgive them and then get hurt again and again. In the end mainly nowadays, I approach friendships with caution. It's probably not a good thing to do but why give your love trust, time, emotions and friendship to someone or people who don't deserve it or will likely throw it away? By refusing to open your heart easily and share your love with people, does not make you a coward just someone with alot of self respect. Lock your heart away safely honey and when you meet good people or one good person, slowly let it out. Friends are hard to come by but they do exist. hmmm....maybe i should take my own advice...lol. Much love to you.
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A
female
reader, Keeley345 +, writes (1 May 2013):
Friends are important. It's nice to have someone to hang out with, talk to etc I know how you're feeling as i'm in a similar situation myself. Only difference is, i get dropped/dumped by my so called friends. This has been going on for years and i'm a nice person, confident and very sociable. So please be assured i know how you feel.Reading what you wrote i get the impression you seem to attract friends who are trouble/bad people. The friendship groups you have been in seem to have been full of drama by no fault of yours. Trust me, you don't need drama in your life or people who live and breathe it.I guess we all go through phases of having friends and then having none. This could be for many reasons. I can't work out why i always get dumped by my friends so it's hard to say why you're having problems with yours. All I can advise you is to have self respect. Don't let anyone treat you badly friends or not. Choose your friends carefully and wisely. For years I became a doormat. I attract friends but they let me down in different ways. I'd forgive them and then get hurt again and again. In the end mainly nowadays, I approach friendships with caution. It's probably not a good thing to do but why give your love trust, time, emotions and friendship to someone or people who don't deserve it or will likely throw it away? By refusing to open your heart easily and share your love with people, does not make you a coward just someone with alot of self respect. Lock your heart away safely honey and when you meet good people or one good person, slowly let it out. Friends are hard to come by but they do exist. hmmm....maybe i should take my own advice...lol. Much love to you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2013): Its worth it to have GOOD friends. And to have good friends you must be a good friend. Good friends are those who are there for you, who treat you with respect, inspire you, care about your well being. But it goes both ways.I think its possible that you might be doing something that you are unaware of that is turning these people against you. Are you getting involved in the drama? The talking behind people's backs? Dont involve yourself in that stuff. People talk and if you are starting drama or talking badly about people you hang with behind their backs, its going to get back to them. I would really think about what you might have done that has caused a riff between you and your friends. Look at this as an experiment and a lesson. Be introspective, find out what you mightve done that made them mad at you. Dont repeat the same mistakes again. Learn to treat your friends with respect and kindness. And do not get involved in drama.
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