A
male
age
51-59,
*et66
writes:Hi, I had a 6 month relationship with a woman who had an alcohol problem. I helped her get through it, took her to the hospital for detox, and she promised never to drink again. We went through the withdrawals twice since I knew her, and she said she has had problems before, seizure's for one. She had a seizure while we were out once. When we went to the ER at the hospital her blood alcohol level was 400% or .40.I'm 45 and she is 28, I met her by chance as I normally don't go out with someone who is that much younger than me.We broke up because I couldn't handle the stress of her alcohol problem, as I don't drink. She now has a new boyfriend who is an alcoholic, I knew of the person when we were dating, so I know he drinks a lot, she has even told me. He is also older than her, 52.I had a problem even being friends with her since she was now dating someone who also drinks and is that much older than her. She told me she wasn't going to drink anymore even though her new BF does.I initiated no contact with her because I felt like I needed to move on and get out of her life before it was going to destroy mine. I do love her but the pain and stress she caused me was too much. The no contact worked for two weeks, she then decided to text me and said she wanted to talk. We had a bad argument when I decided the no contact and I felt bad if I hurt her. So we did talk, like normal humans, no fighting or arguing.She told me she really missed me and would like to go out for coffee or lunch sometime. She is still dating this other person and she tells me she is not drinking. By the way she was talking to me it sounded like she was drinking, no slurring her speech but going over the same topic over and over. She also wanted to know how my relationships were going with people I date. I do miss her and I do love her and I do want to be friends with her. The question I have is it worth it to be friends with her and will she ever really stop drinking? She had a rough childhood and has been through a lot. She was molested by her father, she lost custody of her child to her ex husband, I'm not sure really why, she was also a stripper for a few years. I really just want what is best for her.
View related questions:
alcoholic, broke up, her ex, move on, stripper, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Jet66 +, writes (19 May 2012):
Jet66 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the reply. I was ready to move on when she got the new boyfriend. I knew he was a friend when we were dating and they drank together. When she had the second relapse with the alcohol I was there but I told her I couldn't do it again. The hospital stay, the .40 Blood Alcohol Level and the seizure really freaked me out. Also a gallon of vodka she told me she drank every week. I had no idea she drank at the time when I was dating her, I never smelled it.She tells me she's not drinking now and to trust her. She seems to be really happy, her new BF also gave her a part time job as she just lost her job. It is painful to watch someone ruin their life. I'm am moving on with my life as her's is toxic to mine. I have some great people in my life, I guess I was trying to help hers. She doesn't have any support from her family or friends, no one to stop her from drinking. All her friends are men and a close friend is also her ex-BF. She's a tough girl though.Getting over her emotionally is the toughest part for me, although it has gotten easier as time goes by. We were very close and she was very easy to talk to. She always said no one treated her like I did, at least not like a sex object or eye-candy as she mentioned all her other boyfriends did.I just don't know why she wants me in her life when i told her I couldn't do it anymore. Being even friends with her is going to be tough, it helps hearing it from someone else's point of view.
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (18 May 2012):
 Are you willing to wait indefinitely for her to stop drinking? You were ready to move on and then you heard that her new boyfriend is a bad influence and suddenly you want to rescue her again. Her having a boyfriend should be the ultimate closure you get. It is our ego telling us to keep trying, keep hoping and to give up is weak. It is also very painful to look at loved ones suffer having no one else to turn to, which makes you refuse to not do anything to help. At the end you have to accept that in the world there are many people who are not lovable and it is not up to you to decide their fates. You had only been with her for 6 months, and that 6 months could easily turn into years and the longer you get with her the more you would say you already put in that much time and effort so it's harder to leave her behind. It is not worth being friends with her because the it is very hard to detach yourself from her as long as you are close to her. It's when you emotionally get over her, very certain that she is just a friend and nothing else, then you can try friendship again. You are certainly better than her now boyfriend so she will try to get you back but you have to insist no. Quitting alcohol gets rid of the symptoms, makes the body less toxic but it is her painful upbringing that's affecting her entire life which needs to be addressed before she could even think of healthy relationships.
...............................
|
