A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend recently told me (after I asked on a whim) that he has a crush on another girl. They work together at the university. He says that it's only a crush and he doesn't "like" her. In fact, he says that she's so above his league that he would have no chance dating her even if he and she were single. Therefore, I am to be assured, he wouldn't leave me for her. (he also assures me that he loves me and therefore won't leave me, but I still find the part about her being above his league insulting to me)Upon further questioning, he says that he's attracted to her because our own relationship is lacking. Namely (according to him), I'm too cold, not affectionate at all, don't want him sexually, and work all the time. She is fun, friendly, and warm. Also, she dresses more "sexy" while I dress like an "old lady". Should I do anything to "fight" for him? It's not like he's a bad person; he seems to genuinely care about me, but apparently he feels that I don't want him. However, if he's already attracted to someone else, should I cut my losses and just call it quits? I feel like what's the point in being more affectionate and open if he's already attracted to someone else ....
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female
reader, BettyBoup  +, writes (28 July 2010):
 I think what he said was very insulting to you. I can understand how hurt you would feel. I also think that telling your partner that you are attracted to someone else is very rude and hurtful. It was extremly callus of him to do so. And to say that she is out of his league adds insult to injury to you.
However, at least he was honest with you about how he is feeling about your relationship and why he thinks he's become attracted to this other woman.
If you still have feelings for this guy, and can forgive his frankness, it is worth a shot. After all, he is only human, and his honesty could in fact be a blessing. He could be cheating on you, or being abusive, but he has instead attempted to vent his frustrations honestly to you. He may have done so less than kindly, but at least he's being honest.
Try to be honest about how you feel to him. Tell him how his comments made you feel. Try to think about what you may have done to make him feel that you don't want him. try to make more of an effort. Really be honest with each other about what you want from the relationship. Tell him you are sorry if you havn't been giving him enough attention in or out of the bedroom, but that you need him to make you feel more special to him also. And his comment about this other woman, does not do that.
Remember, all long term relationships go through bad patches. Everyone gets bored from time to time. No 2 people are 100% compatable all of the time because people grow and change all the time. Remind him of this and make plans together on things you can do to make each other feel more loved.
Good luck!
A
female
reader, MissTHANG  +, writes (28 July 2010):
 Dear Worth Fighting For,
Normally, I can see both sides of a story, but in this case I am of the opinion that he's not only NOT worth fighting for, but also NOT worth your time and trouble.
To be told "Not to worry" that you will ever be left for another girl because she's out of his league" is AT BEST a silent slide of the knife designed to inform you that he holds you - if at ALL - in the lowest esteem possible, and that he's "settling" for you. To me that shows a blatant disregard for someone he supposedly "loves", and a HUGE lack of class on his part.
If you are happy in the situation, then I wish you luck, but be aware that this kind of "emotional" abuse can chip away at a person's self esteem until it seems "normal" - and YOU are a valuable human being, who deserves to be treated with love and respect by someone who knows what this means. And YOU are out of HIS league, remember that.
Good luck with whatever way you choose:)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2010): Finding someone attrative and being attracted to someone are two totally different things. If your boyfriend is attracted to this woman, I would think twice before going on with the current relationship. You don't handle relationship problems by finding comfort in someone else. While your boyfriend may think the grass is "greener on the other side" I can assure him IT IS NOT.
Hell no you shouldn't "fight" for him...for what? Just be who you are and whatever ever you do, don't run after this guy. The fact that he thinks this woman is way above his "league" is even more reason for him to go after because, after all..men love the chase....they want what they can't have.
If you do call it quits, make sure you don't contact him and don't allow him to contact you. If you have to block him on Facebook, Myspace or any other social networking site..DO IT. If you have to change your phone numbers..DO IT, if you have to put him on your email's block list..DO IT. Don't allow him to use your life as a revolving door...believe me, if you do, you will regret having done so. It's his lost really esp. if you were a good woman towards him. Let the other woman deal with him.......
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