A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:3 years ago I met a beautiful and smart girl at comic con and we hit it off right away. She was 19 and even though we lived 80 miles from each other, we made it work and saw each other every weekend. We got into a relationship and everything seemed to be going fine. She even threw a birthday party for me. However, she would routinely respond very late to texts, usually a day later with some long apology as to why she didn't respond sooner. Since we had to go to each other's places, I met her mom and she told me that her daughter was very passive agressive, and would distance herself if she thought there would be conflict. Anyhow, one weekend we didn't see each other because she had to go to a family event, and the following weekend she called me up and broke up with me over the phone. I asked her why and she said that she "felt a disconnect in our relationship." It had lasted 3 months. She was also a virgin and we didn't end up sleeping together because she felt she wasn't ready yet. So here we are 3 years later and even though I've dated a couple girls, I find myself thinking about her. I haven't spoken to her since that day she broke up with me, nor have I contacted her in any way. I've wanted too, but my family tells me that I will only hurt myself if I do. I know she isn't currently seeing anyone right now because of Facebook (her profile picture no longer has the guy she dated after me) so I'm seriously considering calling her. Not to beg for a relationship, but see if she'd like to go out. So I'm at that crossroads. One of those cliche brain and heart situations. My brain says she broke up with you, you moved even farther away from her (now I live 100 miles away), she deleted you as a friend on facebook, she's never contacted you, and even if she did go out with you, she might just break up with you again. While my heart constantly keeps comparing everyone I've dated since then to her and for some reason, still likes her. I remember I felt a similar way when I was in college and my first girlfriend cheated on me. I broke up with her, but found myself still thinking about her. I was about to call her up to ask if she'd like to meet up, but went to a party that night and ended up sleeping with another girl and it completely made me forget about her. So the problem I see here is that despite sleeping with other girls since this comic con one, I still find myself thinking about her. So ultimately my question is, is it worth to call her up, or should I continue to look around for new people, not try to go into a relationship with an ex. Thank you for making it this far if you have, I truly appreciate your advice.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (4 October 2016):
 I don't think you need us to tell you that it is a bad idea contacting her, because deep down I think you already know. But you still want to, because you still cannot quite understand why she broke up with you. You want to know has she changed her mind, does she think about you.
The thing is you are even longer away now, so I severely doubt anything can come off you both. Also there is a huge age gap which might also be another factor of the break up as you are both in different stages of life. I feel that if you contact her after all this time she will probably think why is a fling from the past contacting her, and she probably won't know what to say to you. She ended it because she did not want to be with you, that was three years ago now, you are probably long forgotten in her mind, you need to put this to bed.
A
female
reader, singinbluebird +, writes (3 October 2016):
 No move on, even if you love her the distance thing will NEVER work. Esp since she shows you shes very passive aggressive, long distance can only work between two VERY active and direct partners.
Work on yourself, date and try to seek out girls that are more accessible. I wonder though if part of reason you like her is that she was incredibly hard to get and you werent able to be wit her sexually? If thats case, time to self reflect and focus on yourself a bit.
Good luck =)
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (2 October 2016):
 She is 22 you are in your 30's... maybe that age gap was also part of the reason it didn't last longer than 3 months.
If she was interested in rekindling ANYTHING she would have reached out a LONG time ago.
While you may see her as some "the one who got away", she doesn't see you that way at all.
Focus on letting her go and the fantasy character you build of her. THAT one who cared for you back.. that is a fantasy. Reality? She didn't like you as much as you liked her. And nothing is going to change that.
As long as you are stuck thinking she is "oh so special" that is as long as you will remain unable to find someone who IS a good match for you.
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A
male
reader, Dragonslayer +, writes (2 October 2016):
OK, its a bad idea......1.You only want to talk to her because your feelings are unresolved, in your mind your never reached closure.2. People change and grew and become different, maybe she has change for the better, but she is not the same person you knew so take tnose idolist views you have of her and get rid of them.3. Ex are your "ex" for a reason, im not saying it cant work, but there was a reason why it didnt work.4. Destiny kind of has a way of handling stuff like that trust me, dont force it.5. Reach out to someone with the purpose of rekindling a friendship and an old fling, women are very perceptiative and if you dont contact her with the most utmost positive mindset she will see through your motivates.6. It hurts worse the second time around when you get your broken by the same person.7. You need to do it to get closure, so you can move on to something healthy.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (2 October 2016):
 I think you are still carrying a torch for this girl because you have never had proper closure on your relationship. You were all in your stride, enjoying the relationship you had, when, out of the blue, she pulled the rug from under your feet and finished with you with no explanation you could understand. I do understand your yearning to contact this girl again. We all experience this sort of thinking back to our ex relationships when we are in difficult relationships or between relationships. However, my take on this would be that she knows how to contact you yet she has chosen not to do so. That, to me, would indicate she does not want to revisit the relationship.
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