A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi.I recently discovered that my boyfriend had a few meetings with his ex a few months ago. On finding out, i broke up with him as soon as i got the chance. I told him how i found out and he eventually admitted to it all. I was more angry than anything but also disgusted at his actions. I had no intention of taking him back and he has alot of pride so i didnt expect him to ask for a second chance.however, the same night, i texted him and told him never to contact me and that i never want to see him or hear from him ever again, but at that moment he was writing a poem for me, telling of how ashamed he is and how he hates himself for hurting me and that we had a "real world love". after reading my text, he just sent the poem as it was and said he's sorry.The next day, it was really difficult but i got through it and he tried calling me but i was busy and didnt answer. later that night he called me to ask me if we could save our relationship, told me how sorry he was. that he was stupid and is ashamed that it took this for him torealise how much i menat to him. I told him i cant give him an answer after listening to him for an hour. I was sort of ok, and then 3 days later he had a bunh of flowers delivered to my work place with a sorry note, "asking for just one wish." It sort of softened me a bit. he tried calling that night, but i missed his call and eventually i texted him to say thank you for the flowers. We got to talking and i told him i still cannot give him an answer, after some time he got emotional again, telling me that he missed me and wants to make this work, that he has made a terrible mistake and will hate himself for it. he said it makes him sick that he was so foolish and greedy... eventually i said i need to see him and so we met the next day. I thought i'd shout and hate seeing him but it was the complete opposite. I realised that i actually did miss him but i've been trying to hide all other emotions with anger. he apologised again and said that he's been trying and that there is nothing he can do to prove that he has changed and that he can only say it and do all that he has been doing to make me believe it. we get along so incredibly well that we were able to laugh a bit and hold each other. I dont know if there is something wrong with me because i wasnt angry with him that much! he said he wants me as his girlfriend again and he knows that he will never hurt me again. after all that i told him i still cant give him an answer and that i need more time because im not convinced. Im very confused because during the time he was meeting this other girl, we had some fights and he had the opportunity to leave and be with her but he didnt. i know i love him and i know that if we do get back together, it can either be great or it wont work. I think that we could possibly be happy again but i wnat him to prove just how much he wants to be with me first and how much our love means to me.I keep thinking, what if he has changed, or what if he hasnt... and the only way i'll know is if i give him a second chance but i dont know if its the right thing to do... :(is there really a right thing to do, if it goes well, then i'll be happy about giving him the chance, but if i see that he hasnt changed or that he is no longer what i want, i will leave him for good,and that will be the end.Is it really worth a second chance?
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female
reader, Anonymous711  +, writes (10 April 2011):
Ask him why he did this to you? why he couldn't tell you? Tell him that you don't know if your just saying it, if you got back together it would take time to get back to usual, to trust him. Would you rather give him a second chance or not? think of the postive + negatives sides of this. Have you ever let him down? if so he forgave you, it may not be as bad but at least he had trust in you. If your still not sure, say i am thinking. If he really cares he will keep trying to get back together with you, that shows he loves you. If he leaves it then he is not worth it. Its up to you. Dont feel pressured to do anything, your not the one in the wrong for not telling him at the moment so dont feel you have to say it quick. He is the one in the wrong so he should wait. Good luck!
A
female
reader, virgin18  +, writes (10 April 2011):
 Give him another chance, if it works then good for both of you if it doesn't then at least you know you tried. It is better this way than later thinking about the 'what ifs' if you decide not to give him another chance.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2011): okay a second chance is a big risk and i understand your concern an confusion and i would say yes maybe it's worth it he has been really sincere. first you should ask him why he was seeing his ex 2ndly you're asking for advice but the only person that can make this choice is you, if you give up you might think later what if? if you get hurt giving him a second chance you might regret it but i would say hey at least you don't have to wonder but who knows this could go really well go with your heart there's a reason why you didn't just give up and your thinking about it really try and figure out what you want even though its hard it is up to you.
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A
female
reader, BettyBoup  +, writes (10 April 2011):
 What is your gut feeling? If you are leaning more to yes then get back with him and give him another chance. If he lets you down and does something that is a deal breaker again, then he's had 2 chances, so leave him for good. It seems that what he did was almost a complete deal breaker for you. I can see why, he was deceitful and seeing an ex does look suspicious. But he hasn't actually cheated, has he? It is possible to keep in touch with an ex, without having any intention of continuing anything more than platonic friendship. It is possible, but the again, the fact it was behind your back IS suspicious and wrong. If it was just frienly, he could have told you, UNLESS he felt you would be strongly against this. Perhaps it would be an idea to find out exactly what his thinking was behind meeting this girl and not telling you about it. Gage from his reaction what his intentions were and whether he is being genuine. If he seems genuine and truly sorry, he deserves another chance. Eveyone makes mistakes and from his actions since, he clearly is serious about being with you. But make it clear he has broken your trust, which will take time to recover and insist he has to be honest about seeing ex girlfriends in the future. If he lets you down again, walk. Everyone deserves a second chance(one), unless its cheating, which should be a complete deal breaker for everyone, in my opinion.
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