A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend of 7 months has a best friend who is a girl and I was fine with it at first as they have been friends for 2 years before I got with him.She always hangs out with all our mutual friends in a group and has often joined us both on evenings out and I thought she was nice and got on well with her. Recently though, in the last week, she started hanging out near where he works, and after he finished work they started spent all day together drinking while I was at work. She posted all this on his instagram story. In the last few days she posted an instagram pic of a selfie of them both saying "Quality time with bae" with a love heart above their heads. She then put the same pic on her facebook profile picture (without the heart, but with the quote "It's nice to spend quality time together"). I'm hurt by this as i would never have expected this to happen.I brought it up with him and he said they are just friends. I don't want to start a fight but my gut is telling me something isn't right. Is it unreasonable for me to question their friendship? She has kept the photo up and my boy friend and I don't even have a couple photo up on our facebook profiles yet. We do on instagram though.Am I being paranoid? We are all in our mid 20's but this probably sounds like it should be in high school. I don't know what to do without sounding like a crazy paranoid untrusting girlfriend but this is strange isn't it?
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (28 March 2018):
 I think it's more common than you think. And from reading other posts on here it's not just teens who act like this, grown up do too. (Sadly, but true).
I think my first question to him would be; "HOW would you feel if I hung out with a male friend getting drunk while YOU are at work and then plastered "couple-like" pictures all over the place?". I wouldn't accuse him of anything because HE CAN NOT control what SHE does or post online.
The fact that he is pulling the "we are just friends" excuse is him pretending that this is normal for people to do. Maybe in this day an age of people posting ALL kind of crap online so EVERYONE can see how amazing their lives are, but it also shows that HE lacks boundaries with this one. This is perhaps HOW these two acted BEFORE you came into the picture?
She didn't "just happen" to be hanging out around your BF's job. This was planned by BOTH of them to meet up after work. So maybe HE felt he had neglected his friendship a bit and wanted to catch up. BUT what kind of BF would tell his GF, hey I'll be hanging out with so and so? Especially, when she likes to post pictures of it?
Is she single?
One one hand THEY are friends, I have had many male friends and hung out with them without their GF and WITH their GF's and it's ALWAYS been platonic. So it doesn't automatically means that she is "after" your BF, the whole "Quality time with bae" - was either meant jokingly or meant for real - impossible to know. Funny that she MODIFIED the post for Facebook. That seems off.
It could be something as simple as HER being jealous that HE is dating someone ELSE and NOT her. So her posts are not in the line of hanging out with friends... but hoping it will drive a wedge between you two. AND... she was successful in doing so, wasn't she? And in a way that CAN seem rather innocuous.
Is this posting pictures and calling "bae" (gag) something new or the "old" banter between them?
As for you not having couples pictures on FB doesn't mean anything in the bigger picture. YOU don't have to pee on your "territory" online to show others you are dating. This girl KNOWS, HE knows, you know, your friend (and I presume family) knows.
What it really comes down to, is DO you trust your BF?
Can you accept that he doesn't SIT on a shelf and wait for you to "come out and play"?
Can you accept that he has friends and social activities without you?
What bothers you the most, OP?
Them hanging out or her posting pictures of them online?
As a GF it's NOT your job to tell him who he can be friends with and who he can not. Nor who he can hang out with. (same goes for him) But if this becomes a recurring thing, then maybe he is more focused on HIM getting attention from females constantly.
I think I would just keep an eye on how much time he spends with her alone. Because HE might be "acting" all dense and "pretending" he doesn't know... but she is INTERESTED in him. If this is a one in a "blue moon" thing or if it's something happening more and more.
And then you decide, is this OK or not? If it's not OK then maybe HE is not a good fit for you, because HE certainly thinks it's OK.
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