A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Is it unreasonable for me to be angry and feel insulted when my boyfriend fails to orgasm after an hour of sex because he is tired or his back hurts? This happens to us almost half the time. I'm certain he is not cheating on me. I want to tell him how I feel but am afraid that I would appear to be unreasonable and insensitive as him being unable to orgasm occasionally is not entirely his fault.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2008): Sometimes us guys could cum in the first minute but hold back for to further the enjoyment and pleasure of both people however holding back sometimes makes it difficult to come however long later when you want to, well it does for me anyway. I don't think you should feel insulted.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2008): I never had that problem when I was younger, but I have read that some guys do. I do sometimes have that problem now that I am older, especially if we have had sex in the past 12 or so hours. Thirty or 40 minutes is the limit for both my wife and me. She gets sore and I get tired. I can normally tell in the first 15 to 20 minutes if I'm not going to be able to finish and just stop after my wife has had her orgasm. The next morning she just lets me screw her so that I can just think of myself and not have to hold back to make sure she is satisfied.
I think that he is putting himself under too much pressure to perform. It gets worse if a person fails a couple of times because they start to worry about it instead of just enjoying the sex. If you tell him that it makes you angry then it will just put him under more pressure and it will probably get worse. Occasionally tell him to just screw you and not concentrate on your enjoyment. If he is relaxed he will probably have an orgasm in a few minutes and it will help his confidence. Making him feel bad about his performance will only kill his confidence.
I didn't have much confidence when in my mid 30s because of my failed first marriage. I wasn't a very good lover. My one girlfriend could sense that and she said all the right things to make me feel good about my sexual ability and it really helped my confidence with her and future girlfriends.
Don't think that it has anything to do with you when he can't orgasm. That is very unlikely. You are probably doing fine and it is just his worrying about his lack of ability that is causing this.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2008): Sounds like a too-much-pressure situation. Are you both enjoying the sex together, or are there expectations that are getting in the way? Try not making orgasms, either of yours, such a strong goal and that will help relax you and you'll enjoy more - and probably climax more as a result.
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (24 August 2008):
 Well, while it is unusual does he have the same right? If you do not come after an hour of sex can he feel angry and insulted?
After all, a lot of women claim to have faked orgasms, men can't but does put them on the spot to perform everytime?
It might that he gets over-stimulated, represses it to keep it up and looses sensation. Women got it easy, they can have multiple orgasms easily and even if they don't sex doesn't stop after an orgasm. Men got soft of course and that is often seen as game over.
Does he keep it up the whole hour? Constant, or near constant, stimulation? That is to much, the penis becomes insensitive, the same as your clit if you would keep a vibrator on it for an hour straight. Try it, delay your own orgasm on purpose for so long.
Is there the notion that he MUST keep it up for so long when you have sex?
IF this is the case, lower your standards a little. An hour of sex sounds nice, but frankly men just ain't build for it.
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