A
female
age
36-40,
*ftsweet
writes:My friend has some theories on why the most attractive girls often stay single longer than the less attractive ones. Tell me if you think this is true, or if there are some major confounders at work that would explain it better.If all ladies are ranked a number 1-10, with 1s being the least attractive and 10s being the most attractive (according to men), the top and bottom girls are in the worst situation. 1s and 2s may never marry, or marry and get cheated on, and 9s and 10s cause lots of jealousy. The 5s and 6s may get overlooked by many men, but when they do find someone they are likely to marry earlier, as they are perceived as safer. Attractive enough to not cause embarrassment, but not so attractive that other men don't have better women to look at. 9s and 10s should marry guys who aren't into looks. If a man marries a 9 or 10 for personality, it won't cause friction.Are people really that superficial? Lol. Or does it just look like more 5s and 6s get married because there are just more 5s and 6s in the population than there are 9s and 10s? Or are 9s and 10s generally more high maintenance or more intimidating and that scares a lot of potential guys away?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2012): Ratings are completely subjective. Moreover, certain guys will not marry or even date a woman if she meets one of their dealbreakers, regardless of her rating. (e.g I won't date women who have had casual sex no matter what). Attractive women get shot down by guys all the time. So unless you can read minds it is impossible to tell if a guy doesn't want to marry you because your attractiveness intimidates him.
Anyone can marry if they drop their standards low enough. The problem is finding the most suitable match so that the marriage will last. From what I've seen the problem in the United States is not how to get married but how not to get divorced.
A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (3 July 2012):
 Hot is such a relative term. There are women who are gorgeous but also have class and subtlety and then there are the hot women who wear bandage mini dresses and go out drinking every weekend. I think you are partially rating beauty based on male desire to have casual sex with them and hit on them, which isn't really a good indicator of "beauty."
In my experience the ones in the former category don't follow a different time frame from other women, while the ones in the latter category tend to experience a lot more heartbreak and take longer to find someone worthwhile. I think it's because in the former category those women tend to, as Serpico said, bring something else to the table and base their worth on things other than solely on their appearance, while the women in the latter tend to focus their energy on making men desire them for sex, which of course makes men only want them for sex (and not for marriage).
Also, as you said, there are more average-looking men women than totally gorgeous women in the population.
There are so many other things to think about too. Self-confidence, how much money they have at that moment (wealthier people tend to get married while poorer ones don't), education level (educated people tend to marry later), there's so much going on there.
Then you have what Cerberus said about hot women having to put up a bit of armor because they're constantly being stared at and hit on my sleazeballs. "Hey baby, did it hurt when you fell from heaven" types get old very fast and it's hard for women in many situations to weed out whether a guy is just a really good manipulator, or actual long term partner material.
I don't mean to sound conceited but I've been told I fall into the former category I described above. I've had model scouts approach me on the street and give me their business cards, I have the same torso measurements as Alessandra Ambrosio, I once had a world famous supermodel tell me I was "completely stunning" (and every time I saw her after that) and had a celebrity, who was surrounded by women, blatantly hit on me at a party. I am only 23, but my boyfriend and I are planning to get officially engaged as soon as we're done with our "post-college stuff." I don't know if that seems young to you, but it seems young to me! I personally think most of my friends are totally gorgeous, but none of them have marriage potential boyfriends yet.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2012): Yeah that's actually kind of true but it's not a choice.
Think of your own experiences of being approached by guys on a night out, most of them are drunken sleazes aren't they? Now imagine you're a 10, a girl who guys drool over and stop and stare. Imagine how many more sleazes only wanting sex would approach you and then think of how hard it will be to find a genuine guy out of the bunch. Because for a 10 OP players and assholes will play a long drawn out game to get their prize, they will lie, they play they will do anything and you just will not know very soon whether it's you or your looks they want. It would be like me being very rich, are they with me for my money or for me.
It's really nothing to do with what we guys prefer, 1-10 is irrelevant for us as we each find different things beautiful in women.
10's may get approached more but 90% of those guys then are assholes or unsuitable, would you really not get tired of being stared at all the time and being sleazed all over? I would.
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A
male
reader, Serpico +, writes (3 July 2012):
Good looking girls (or guys) are a dime a dozen. I never understood how some of my friends would chase a girl forever over looks. IMO, for every good looking woman, there are 10 more behind her that would love to go out with you.
While men are indeed visual creatures, for me looks is a necessary, but not a sufficient condition for dating. If you are good-looking but selfish, you wont get a second date. If you are good-looking but classless, ditto. If you are good-looking but bitchy, same story. My fiancee is gorgeous, but she brings so much more to the table than just that. If you try to choose a partner on solely looks, its likely going to be an unsuccessful relationship.
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (3 July 2012):
Hi there. It's truly impossible to answer that in one single statement.
Yes, men are attracted to all different women, for all different reasons.
Initially, a man and a woman may see each other from across a crowded room, and there is just something about that other person, they find attractive.
It could be their eyes.
It could be their smile.
Or the shape of their face.
Probably mainly just these three, not so much big boobs, or curvy hips.
Nevertheless, there is something there that intially draws the attention of the other person.
And it's an instant thing, it's chemistry.
And then after the guy sees the woman he kind of fancies, and that woman appears to show some interest, well then the guy will probably walk on over to her, to say "Hi" and start a conversation going.
That's when the real attraction is realized, by how well they both get along and what they seem to have in common with each other.
They might instantly click, and they might not.
How they look - their level of attractiveness - is only the instigator to get any two people together in the first place.
What one person finds attractive, another person doesn't.
Usually we see attractiveness in people who are similar in looks to ourselves.
It's at an unconsious level.
If we look around a crowded room, we will see many people there, however only a small handful of those people, we will be instantly attracted to.
It's not a case of choosing this person or that person and taking a gamble.
It all goes on what we see as pleasing to the eye, from the very first glance.
I think you know what I mean here.
Then if a nice looking man who you think of as attractive comes over to talk to you, that's when it all begins.
And just say that you really get on fantastically well with each other, then there is the high likelihood that he will get your number at the end of the night, and call you over the next week, to ask you out.
And that's the real beginning of a relationship.
And then it's all about the chemistry between you from that point on, and the rapport you build between you.
And as time goes by - and not too long - if the level of emotional intimacy builds between you (I am not talking about sex here), well then that's when you begin to become really close to each other.
It's the emotional intimacy that gets two people wanting to be together and to stay together for the long haul.
Which ultimately, means marriage, the future, children, a mortgage, and happily every after.
And as to why some average (to you) looking women seem to get married sooner than what you call very good looking women.
It has nothing to do with looks.
It has everything to do with what any particlar woman wants at any stage of her life.
Priorities, in other words.
Some women are ready to marry sooner.
Yet others, want to do some more things before finally settling down once and for all.
Things such as:-
(1) Travelling.
(2) a Career.
So it's more determined by the woman than by the man, in most cases.
If he wanted to settle down and she didn't, well then she would slow things down a little.
So don't ever feel that it's because she isn't good looking enough.
Looks are only important in the initial stages of meeting someone, after that point there needs to be a whole lot more than looks, to keep a man interested.
Things that men DO find very attractive in women are:-
(1) A woman who is confident.
(2) Who knows who she is and what she wants from life, and what she needs, to reach her goals.
(3) Who has her own life and her own friends.
(4) Who has her own interests and hobbies.
(5) Who doesn't need anyone else in her life to make her feel complete as a human being.
(6) Is independent.
(7) Is slightly unpredictable.
(8) Who doesn't depend on a man to make her happy about life. She takes complete responsibity for making herself happy.
(9) She feels happy with or without a relationship.
(10) She loves and accepts herself totally.
When a woman has all these great qualities, it makes it so much easier for a man to be happier in a relationship with someone like this.
And it also makes a man less pressured to make her happy, because she is already happy with who she is - before she even met him.
So NO, it's not all about who is considered to be good looking, and who is not so much.
It is virtually irrelevant.
True beauty comes from within.
When you feel good about yourself already, and with how you look, you don't need others' approval just to know that.
You already know you are worthy of the best life has to offer.
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