A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I think i'm having an early life crisis!!I am verging on 28. My girlfriend and I broke up at the beginning of the year. we were together for 2 and a half years. I don't know if it was the right decision. But now i'm going to jet off to China for a year in Feb. It worries me though as I feel i am only going because I have nothing in life and no ambition and I am running away from this life to hopefully find something better.When I get back though, i'll be 29 and I feel like my 20's and teen years have been wasted. She was the only girl I've been with and I don't get the ladies interest easily. It was a passionless relationship and whilst we loved (love) each other very much she couldn't physically or mentally be intimate. I feel like I've missed out on lots of happiness and have let the best years fly by without making anything of them. I don't want to appear shallow but I want to feel needed by a girl and it saddens me I don't have that appeal.Now I am worried I am trying to make things of my life but too late. If i spend the next decade travelling or whatever I will be nearly 40 and might not have the chance to do the family thing at the right time. I feel i might be making a mistake giving up on a relationship when I may not get anyone else (and I do really love her still) but I have never felt physically loved or needed (i felt more like a leaning post) and now feel this chance is slipping away. I'm getting older and my minimal looks are going and my chances to live a happy youth are going fast.Is it too young to be feeling i've wasted life and how do i be more positive and make the most of things?
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2011): Yes it is too young to feel you have wated your life!!!! Wait till your 90 and then decide.
Life is about experiences and you are going off to China to experience something different. Why do you feel its running away?
Youve walked away from a girlfriend who couldn't be physically or mentally intimate - thats good, everyone needs intimacy in a relationship or you are just friends,not a couple.
All it is is you have not met the right girl yet, there are no rules as to when you meet 'the one' - but you have to be open to it. I admire your adventurous spirit, it must be exciting knowing you have the chance to travel.
If you want domestic bliss,marriage and children then you may not find it at 30 or 40, but if your happy with yourself and have life experience - you will have so much more to offer
However if you think you love the ex enough and can make a go of it long term, sacrifising intimacy, then go ahead.I think it would be settling for less,but its your choice.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2011): It is perfectly natural for you to feel this way at your age. When I was getting close to 30 I was FREAKING out! Never been married. Didn't even have a boyfriend. Never made much of a career for myself. You always imagine in your 20's you are going to fulfill all these dreams right up until they fly by and you didn't realise any of them. The thing is that the dreams you have for yourself in your 20's are those you made for yourself in your teen years. And as you go through life you realise things just don't always pan out the way anybody expects it to. That's just life. Can't change it. Furthermore, why would you want to have the same dreams you had as a teenager? When I was a teen I knew nothing about life.
You have NO idea how many people are in your exact same boat. You have absolutely nothing to fret or fear. You are, in fact, SO young. And your 20's were not time wasted, even though you may not realise it just yet. I guarantee you did and accomplished alot of amazing things in your life so far. You just have to focus on the positive and let go of these feelings of inadequacy which are not going to bring you anything positive.
I was really upset the other day at work. And my boss (very successful man) knew something was wrong with me. And he said, "You woke up today didn't you? Then it's a good day. So stop frowning."
You have plenty of time to meet another girl. Don't look at this failed relationship as the end. It didn't work out for a reason. Probably because there is something better out there for you. Stop putting yourself down. I think you sound really interesting already merely because of the face that you are packing up and moviing to China for a year. That's awesome. Things could be so much worse! Focus on the simple things. Find it in you to be happy for what your life is. Nothing you can do to change the past. You have alot to be greatful for. You WILL meet another girl. And everything you did in your 20's and your past will be what led you to her. So be proud of your life so far.
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