A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:I'm 24 and I feel like I've never learned social skills. Ironically, I was raises in a family where they were very strict, religious, big on manners and respect. For example, even if we were eating at a picnic with plastic silverware and paper plates, we had to sit up straight no elbows on the table, napkin on our lap, no leaving the table until everyone was done eating, never complain about what's served or you miss out on the next free meals... you get the idea.Still, I'm told I don't pay attention to what's going on around me, I need to learn boundaries... that's a sore spot bc when I first heard of boundaries I felt so empowered... till I tried to set one. My parents never let me forget it - they were extremely offended and angry when I tried a boundary complete with an I statement. I wanted an hour a day aline in my bedroom. For space. I was locked out of my room from then on out. Unless I was sleeping. I was to store my things in my parents room from then on out. I was told I was very disrespectful for asking that much. I saved for a 10 speed bike when I was 12 - $1 or $2 an hour per chore in the early 90s. I was so proud I had $50 saved when they bought a (non ten speed) FOR me at a garage sale and donated the rest to church in my name. "you don't need a ten speed or a pretty new bike since you won't be leaving the church parking lot anyway". I was not allowed to walk anywhere alone or with friends. I was not allowed a license or job, just volunteering thru church things (looks better on a resume and you don't need $")I was always complimented by adults about how much more mature I was than other people my age. If an elder or authority started talking I stopped talking. I knee to back down and concede to them even if they were wrong. If I so much as chewed gum on school or giggled over how cute a guy was the only friends I was allowed to have told on me and I got in trouble for it.I tried college and failed put bc of severe depression- I couldn't get out of bed at all. I had my first "real" job and wasn't even good at making mass amount of muffins or baking large amounts of pre-made bagels in industrial ovens. I was great at obedience and being silent and invisible but that was about it. I'd take the city bus right outside campus or go for midnight walks bc I could and easily got lost. In 1997 I'd never touched a computer in my life bc we weren't allowed. We didn't have a TV. I didn't understand the most basic of references from ppl my age and was easily taken advantage of. Somehow, I've still never learned. Where do I begin is it too late? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (9 October 2023):
 It's never too late. I have somewhat bad social skills around strangers. But I'm fine around friends and family.
You can practice your skills by :
Start in small ways.
Engage with others. So if you are out and about say hi to people. You do NOT have to strike up a conversation. Just do a little greetings. Hi and how are you? with a smile.
When you get more comfortable then:
Ask open-ended questions to get the other person to engage (IF they want to)
Observe your coworkers' social skills, you can learn a lot from just looking at people. You can also go sit on a bench in a busy area (like a mall or whatnot) and just OBSERVE people.
Practice maintaining eye contact.
Develop your listening skills. This one is important as so many people do not know HOW to listen, they just want to talk about themselves. Or their woes.
If you get along with a coworker, invite them to lunch or for coffee. You CAN even be open about wanting to improve on your social skills.
Do you have any hobbies? If so find a group that also likes this and meet up.
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