A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I'm in a bit of a dilemma and wondering if it's possible not to change a man, but to change the way he feels about situations. Or is this never going to work and and should I accept that, and deal with it. Besides I think I'm never going to hear from him Again now anyway. but I've decided I'd like to be his friend... Is that possible?I've been 'seeing' this guy who is 4 years younger than me (I'm 32, he's 28) for few months after meeting in a bar. We has a date few days later and he told me straight out he doesn't do relationships... Which is fine. But he would call me everyday and see me all time. I know why he doesn't want one. His text book... His extremely good looking and successful...but he use to be very overweight and since then his now obsessed with working out and is a body builder. He counts calories and takes steroids. his also very vain and self obsessed (sounds like a catch right) but his lovely deep down, his told me everything (he said being with me is like therapy) but he recently went cold. Now I know he sleeps with lots of women all the time he openly talks about it with me. He does it for validation as his so good looking now and also only relationship his ever been in was when he was fat (5 years ago) which he felt trapped in and his ashamed of (she is not pretty) his also an extremely logical person. Which I'm not. And I don't know how to appeal to the logic side. Anyway like I said recently his gone cold...his got new amazing job (where he has pick of women) his moved to new amazing house and I barely hear from him any more. We did spend some time together recently and it was lovely, but afterwards on both occasions I got angry at him because his not giving me what I want I guess. First time because he told me he didn't care if slept with other people or if didn't see him again and second time because he was having big house party that day and didn't invite me to stay, despite fact I was there already as has spent few days with me. It was like ok bye. (which his done before) Ultimately I feel he does not treat me with respect and told him this. And since my two ' outburst' after seeing him, I haven't heard fromHim since and don't think I will. So what does one do..Im stuck as ive seen this wonderful side and wish he was fat again in a way as think he'd be his lovely self. No I'm not saying I want a relationship with him... Defo not his too screwed up and he never would have one with me. But id like to be his friend, that I realised after all of this. Is it too late for that? Is there any way I can help him or should I think lost cause his nice side will never outshine the rest.
View related questions:
his ex, overweight, text, trapped Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (11 July 2011):
 We are all equals and have unique struggles in our paths to growth, so I wouldn't think it would work for you to want to help him. A lot of people would have stayed away from this guy. You like a challenge, and that's a very good quality. Discover your real reasons for wanting to be his friend and stick to them. Keep your conversations and interactions light, casual and fun. Just have no expectations from him. You will have a chance if you have the patience for him to realize that confidence comes from within and he doesn't need approval from outside. You show him that by being emotionally grounded yourself.
|
