A
female
age
30-35,
*hadeofrose
writes:Dear Cupid, I am 18 and have a boyfriend,19 that i've been with just over 3 years now. He is an all around great person to be around, he makes me laugh, and at times make me feel good about myself. Not to long ago he sat down with me because he wanted to let me know how he was feeling to get somethings off his shoulders. I quote that this "weighs him down everyday". He says that we are in a hole and that my pain can hurt him too. Such as my negativity and low self esteem towards myself. He told me he is a strong and patient person, but its already been 3 years now and he is sure that he can't do it the rest of his life. Since I can recall, we have had that discussion a couple times in our first year together. In all terms I didn't know how handle it, because I didn't really see anything wrong with me.The day after that talk, I noticed it! I had said something out loud towards myself in a way of putting myself down. In that case, which i had previously decided during the talk with him the night before, I would see a counselor. I booked the closest appointment I could to get myself in. so to wrap it up, I am seeing a counselor to help me build myself confidence and help me re navigate the way I think towards myself. quote on quote "why do you argue with your self " (he had also said to me)I mean after all, I feel like I have to apologize for everything, and can feel guilt for along period of time if I've done something wrong. I shouldn't have to punish my self for things that don't really matter or if it was towards another person and there over it, and still wanting to be apart of my life. (friends or boyfriend) What I mean with, "arguing with myself". I mean in my head. Like its just constant talking. I can never seem to shut it off.He told me, your not at peace with your self. That he is a one whole person. Not two, fighting against each other.Anyways. After that night, I kind of just felt distant. I feel bad because of the way I am, I am hurting him. I am hurting the one I love. I know I need to help myself. Overall I am now.but since that night, I've been feeling like I want to take time off for myself. I don't want to break up with him and I don't want a break(a period of time when we are no longer together). I just want get myself back up on my feet, Get some things done around here, get in touch with my spirituality, finish important tasks, work on my hobbies again, get fit and do a thing or two just for myself. We have lived together for nearly 3 years under our parents home. we would switch time to time from his moms to my dads. We are very close to each others family. My parents love him and vise versa. So, I have a couple questions to ask of you,-How can i let my boyfriend know, I want him to go home for a little while?-Do you have other suggestions of trying to help myself? I tried talking to someone. I had said that I didn't want us living together anymore, but I still want to have a relationship. They said it was kind of to late for that. but I want a second option. Please help me, I feel lost.
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a break, confidence, period, self esteem Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2011): you have been together so much that i think the two of you may have sunk into a routine and a rut. I think you care about each other. But you also want to develop some other activities, separately. This will help you both grow in confidence. Find out more about your strengths. Relate to a wider circle of people. And give you each more things to talk about when you do come together.
It is not a break in your relationship
It is an opportunity to grow
The absence should also make you miss each other more, one hopes. This will also be a test of the strength of your relationship now. Better to discover that now, rather than ten years after you marry
Good that you have decided to address the apologizing issue.
Anyone apologizing all the time is emotionally draining on everyone around them.
It is easy to sink into a ravine of being negative. Work on improving your positive approach to everything you touch.
Being negative poisons the enjoyment of everyone. Full marks for taking action to deal with that
Be proud of all that you achieve and do well.
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