A
female
age
,
*igerlily6767
writes:I need advice. I have been with my bf for almost 4 years. We are both in our late 40s and care about each other deeply. However, his family (his kids, his parents, stepparent, siblings etc) don't treat us all that well. You would think by now, they would treat us like family, but they don't. We do get invited to events, but it is so clear that they don't consider my kids to be 'family'. They don't get gifts, aren't sent birthday cards etc. So, we end up sitting through their family events feeling like crap. His family never asks my children what they are doing, how they have been etc. They just don't care. They completely idolize my boyfriend's daughter, which is hard for my kids and myself to take. If I make a mistake, I never hear the end of it....but if she makes the same mistake...all is forgiven and she is a saint. She is 18 by the way. Everything she says and does is so 'cute' to him...it is sickening. My BF and I care about each other, but I don't think I can see myself and my children treated like this for the rest of our lives. My daughter is a young adult and disabled and his kids have even used the word 'retard' in front of her, like it is funny to be mentally handicapped. I enjoy the companionship that my bf has to offer me, but I don't want to stay in a relationship out of lonliness.There are other issues, too. There is a lack of physical chemistry due to his obesity (which he was not overweight when we first started dating). I have tried everything I could to help him, but he just doesn't seem to want to change. Can a situation like this improve, or is it time to say goodbye?
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female
reader, BunnyTee +, writes (21 June 2010):
 I think almost any situation CAN be improved but the real question is: are you willing to continue to invest the time and effort to attempt it?
I'm none too certain that subjecting your children to that sort of heinous behavior from his family is a good idea, actually. That is reprehensible and thoughtless of them!
Try all you want, if he doesn't have a problem with his obesity, then all your efforts will be useless and will continue to fall upon deaf and uncaring ears.
I think it is entirely up to you to decide if it's worth trying to invest or suffer more of the same hoping for improvement. But you can't do it alone. If he's unwilling to meet you half way in the improvements department, I'd let go and invest my efforts elsewhere, with the added benefit of protecting my children from the "deliverance" style family.
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