A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:i could use some advice...PLEASE.....HELP......I am a 30 yr old single mother of three beautiful children.. I fell in love with a man a couple years ago we talked for a whole year before actually getting together and I really thought we were on the same page about everything we were looking for... I knew from the begining he had some medical issues which were not a big deal to me I thought we could work thru anything ... The one thing I didnt expect is that his medical issues would make it impossible to have a great sexual relationship. Sex was something we talked about but I dont know if at the time he was unaware of the situation because he hadnt been with a woman since his accident or he just didnt know how to express it to me....But it was something I still thought we could try and work through .. Well in the past year we have been thru it all... from him having to be away for long periods of time for appts in another state...to so many things that i think have cost us to mistrust eachother ....in so many ways now I know I have my faults a lot of them...But from my perspective I can only speak for myself on this .... He has made promises to me and the kids and never came thru on them little or not so little things and .. i believe it was just because he couldnt financially pull it off but, as I told him it is just better to not make a promise ... I would leave for these medical reasons and promise me he would be home in two weeks and it would end up being 2 -3 months it left the family in finacial hardship and emotional hardship..i took a very demanding job and gave up daycare because that was something we decieded to do as a family and then he would leave but not have anything in place with money or the healp of the kids....It was a strain and I was tired of getting excuses all the time from him true or not ...to take you back a bit ...I have been talking to a very dear friend of mine for the past 4yrs and we were never in the right place in our lives to be together... but had remained friends all this time .. we have shared everything with eachother and a year ago when the one I am with now and I were having alot of problems he asked me to just let go and let him love me .. He wanted to be the man he knew I deserved... i thought about it alot and had decieded in the end to let him know that I was staying where i was at and that we couldnt talk anymore I needed to work on my relationship.. and he just confused me... so he backed off for almost a year and low and behold I am on the comp at Thanksgiving time and just happen to be on my old email and see all these emails from him asking me to contact him he tried to stay away as long as he could... but just cant well I was not planning on spending Thanksgiving alone he was supposed to be home and we have been not getting along very well at this point so I make the decision to call this man .....and here I am I love the man I am with for so many reasons we are great buisness partners at times he is the most wonderful father for my children but I am not in love with him I dont trust him and I feel let down over an over again ..... we have called it quits a couple weeks ago but some thing happened and out of comfort I call him for help.. he does help and he is really trying to save what we have I just dont know what to do I dont want to break anyones heart but I love them both for different reasons and I dont know if it is time to say enough is enough or is that such a thing when you say you will stick it out thru it all ... or do I go be with the man that I am in love with .. and let my kids down and the one Im with down...
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2011): My heart goes out to you but I think you know enough is enough, I wouldn't trust him either - he sounds married to me. Give the friend a chance,if you want to but not just to have a "boyfriend". It's tempting to want to please your children but you are the adult. So ask the kids why they don't like him. If there are no concerns and he's not a pedifile, let the kids gradually get to know him. If you like him, so will they.
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