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female
age
,
anonymous
writes: Is it terribly wrong to plan to vanish from my family?I can't see anything getting better with my husband, I don't know what is wrong, but he is depressed, he is not wanting any intimacy, he became a totally miserable asshole.He is like that long time ago now, and nothing I can do .Tried talking about it, change what I do, go for help/He is in denial.I have no idea what is wrong with him, I know i can't stay with him much longer without getting sick.I stayed with him, for the kids, but they grow up now. I just have enough, and I don't have energy for a ''normal divorce''....Sharing money etc. I just want to take off, and never see them again. My kids are ungrateful, and very needy. I helped them enormously for years, to balance out their father's absence...who just worked to avoid us.I know, it sounds really bad, but for saving myself from insanity. Do you think can I risk this? I have nobody else It's just myself,thinking of this cruel, but un-avoidable plan. Am i really wrong here? Please help!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2008): I'm sorry things have come to this. It sounds like you have lost who you are, constantly giving to everyone and neglecting yourself. It's very important you Do leave to get your mind healthy again. Have you every told your husband if you/him don't get help, you would reach your breaking point and leave? I think you have late stages of depression if you have thought suicide. YOU NEED PROFESSIONAL help my friend! A place to clear your mind, and get your Identity back. Mental illness is just as important as physical illness. Your family must understand this. I would advise christian counceling services for depression and marriage problems to give you a new hope in life. take care.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2008): Thanks so much for understanding me. It is so hard to imagine,how a good person can get to this point. I truly tried it hard, and now I have only a very little energy left.So with this energy, I wouldn't be able to negotiate with my stubborn husband. And deal with my draining children...So,I'm planning ,to not have any contact for a while, but I agree I should explain that, why am I doing this.
Sometimes ,it's so hard not to chose suicide, when everything looks soo black, but I do chose life, even if it's going to be a tough one. If there is any more suggestions, I would appriciate any input. Thanks
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2008): Go ahead and disappear, but leave a letter for your family. To go without doing this would be cruel, because they will think something really bad happened to you. They probably care for you more than you think, but I understand your desire to leave a situation that you think cannot be fixed. Your husband's depression is something that only he can take care of, but he needs therapy to do this. Go make a new life for yourself before you become depressed as he is. The best of luck to you!
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A
male
reader, baddogbj  +, writes (7 December 2008):
 I think you should do it. Take the time to plan first and pull together as much money as you can before you go - this is not an easy time to be finding a casual job.
Is your house worth a lot? Do you have a lot of marital assets? Be careful that you don't cheat yourself out of a lot of money that is rightfully yours.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2008): Make your plans and get it right for you - financial, logistical and definitely go for it. I would write a letter for your 'family' to read so that they understand your decision and why you need to do this. As long as they have a method to contact you which YOU can control (i.e. communicate on your terms) then you should be fine. Perhaps email or text. It is a responsible thing to do to make sure people at least know you are safe otherwise you would become a missing person. However you have every right to be happy and it is clear that you have thought about this a great deal. You have given given given and now its time to take take take what life has to offer you. I say good for you - it shows there is still some of you left with a zest for life and you are not quite an empty shell! To break away dramatically yet with dignity is the best way to avoid you feeling guilty or people being worried sick. Take the first step.
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