A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I am 42 just divorced my husband. I lost all my confident and directions. All I do is stay in the house shut myself out from the outside world. Then I met this man. He is 17 years older than me. He gets me out of the house and helps me to think positive. I starts to go and look for job and going for interviews. I've found a part time job now. Life is back on track and better. My partner loves everything from the 50s and 60s while I still like pop musics. I like eating out sometimes and he would rather stay home than going with me. I love him so I do everything his way. We've been together for 8 months now. Is it stupid to follow his way of life because I want to stay with him? I just dont know how to handle this 17 years age gap relationship. Please advise.
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female
reader, AnnaW219 +, writes (18 November 2007):
 right again the age it isnt so big people do this veryday get married and just get together with a guy older than them dont freat and have you tried talkin to him about this way of life buisness have you ever thought he just wants to be alone with you and nobody else but you you should like that and about the music so what if you dont like you dont like that aint a biggie its ok and if he doesnt like pop thats fine because he doesnt have to if its who you are and he still loves you with the music or not then its ok
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2007): Your confidence really did take a good whack and I am sorry, dear, But you need to be strong, here and regain your balance and self-esteem back. That is crucial when one undertakes any new relationships.. I don't think the age difference is the real over-riding problem here. You are 42 and he is 17 years older. Both mature adults. Granted, he may be slowing down a bit but, remember is that both of you are old enough to have experienced life and that you connect, in a way...that makes the relationship a quality one. From reading your posting, I am seeing a problem of personality differences here, which has nothing to do with age gap. You are simply two adults with different likes and dislikes. And you know what, that is what every single couple is like, that exists today. Two lives, differing interests but both meeting a common ground and willingly doing what the other likes, no questions asked. So what's the problem. It's you and this silly notion that you must doing everything he likes so you can keep him?? You are acting needy and desperate here, dear-stop doing that because he sees it too. Men like women who can think for themselves and have interests, hobbies and activities, beyond him. If he doesn't want you doing this, then that's a red flag and you may have to cut him loose, because it means he's not respecting you.
However, if that's not the case, then please understand this. When two people date and begin a quality relationship, they are both bringing their two diverse, interesting worlds together. They respect, support and compromise on the activities each other likes to do. If you aren't confident enough to do this, and you want to be 'walked over', then all I have to say, is you are not ready for a good, mutually respectable relationship. You will have to do some work on yourself, by being independent more and getting that notion out of your head...that "you should be grateful that this man is in your life" so you do only what he wants to do. That's silly.
Now, believe that you have the right to free expression and you can insist he meet you halfway and do things you like to do. There is nothing wrong with that. You need to be strong, you need to be confident. I think it's time to 'open' his world up a bit. Firstly, you have to start believing you are a deserving, awesome woman who should have her interests respected, her needs and wants met, as well. You need to tell him, you like going out for dinner with him, you like to listen to a certain type of music, you like this and you like that. Who knows, he may learn to love the things you do. But you won't get that, if you don't let him know or if you don't insist that he partake in 'your' interests, too. Try it..you might be amazed at how he responds and will respect you for being an individual. Good luck and I wish you courage to get back on track here.
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