A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:There's this girl I've been dated during December. She had to go to her hometown for the holidays, right after new years eve. Up until that point everything was almost perfect, and we were both pretty excited about each other. We agreed that it was too soon for exclusivity, so each other could do whatever they wanted during the meantime (until she came back).She called me for new years eve, and also another time after that. But one day, still in early January, I texted her and she responded extremely cold and distant, not to mention that she took a really long time to answer. I took the hint and assumed she was no longer interest in me, despite being quite into me a week before that incident.Nothing happend after that, I didn't contact her at all nor she contacted me until a few days ago, when she texted me saying that she was back in town and that the reason she had cut all contact with me was because she had meet someone new and had something with him. Supposedly they were no longer together and "he had hurt her a lot". We finally agreed to meet one of these days.But here's what bugs me: Even if we had settled for no exclusivity and she told me the whole truth —which I figure, is because she suspected I'd find out eventually, as we have mutual friends: I think feel that the whole thing is weird. The fact that she could move on with such ease to a new guy, having been into me right before that —that or she was overstating how really into me she was—. How she decided to blow me off in such a cold-hearted fashion and, specially, how she most likely wouldn't have contacted me ever again if it wasn't because her new 3-week-long relationship failed, as if I was a second option for her.Am I right or are my worries unfounded? What should I do about this girl, start dating her again or not? I really, really like her but I don't know if it's a good idea.
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (9 February 2014):
 I would pass on dating her again as well. I don't think she takes relationships very serious.
And I think she has little respect for men in general.
You ARE the consolation prize, the security blanket, that when the other dude turned out to be a dud she went back hoping you would boost her ego and make her feel better.
Sorry, I'd say bye bye to that one.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2014): Hey, buddy, if I was you, I would walk away, she didn't care about your feeling, an she even told you so, how cold is that, I would go no contact, if she gets ahold of you , tell her what she deserves, do not call me ever again, don't even say hello, if you bump into each other, she don't care, she hurting over the other guy, I know how it feels, how can they turn off, their feelings, like a light switch, its because they really didn't have any strong feelings any way, she just wants to use you till the next guy comes along.I do know how it feels, it hurts, but it her lost, she don't care, she just cold hearted.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2014): I wouldn't feel comfortable being an after-thought, or the guy someone settled for; because something else didn't work out. Mr. Plan B.
In essence, you were on the back-burner in the event Plan A failed. So you'll be her rebound guy to get over being dumped by Mr. A.
It is true that you both didn't agree to be exclusive; but the fact remains that you feel weird about this.
That feeling is just your gut telling you, that this is not how you want to be treated. Like the backup guy. A temporary "pain-killer" until her ego heals, and the other guy is out of her system.
She treated you coldly when she thought she had someone better. It doesn't sound like you mean as much to her, as she means to you.
My advice. Follow your gut-feeling.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (8 February 2014):
 I think it takes a super relaxed person to start all over with a clean state, as if you never met her before. If you are a person who likes to analyze, to the point of obsessing, you are going to form images of her and that guy. You are going to wonder what he has that you don't. When she blew you off she is prepared to lose you forever. You don't know when she is going to do this again, should another hot guy come by. You are also going to wonder if she is damaged good by him, some girl that he threw away and now you are just taking the scraps. Not a pleasant thought at all. She probably said she was into you, the moment she decided to give the other guy a try. She knew that getting you back could be a challenge so she used her sweet words as a currency as exchange for your loyalty to her, and to make sure that you would be there for her as fallback.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (8 February 2014):
 I personally would pass on dating her again. She didn't have the courage to tell you what was happening. She had an extremely short relationship with a guy who hurt her a lot, she reported.
I think she wasn't as excited as you hoped about you two as a couple, sorry.
I think I would pass. She's rude and self-absorbed. She must be very attractive for you to even contemplate trying again with her… are you sure you aren't projecting what you hope she could be onto an impulsive and inconsiderate person?
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A
male
reader, Gauntlet  +, writes (8 February 2014):
 Don't be a consolation-prize, man ! She dumped you badly for another dick passing by, and suddenly she needs you again. This chick have got a cheek !
That's too much disrespectful at least for me. She won't ever be a good thing for you, and I hope you're not a natural born horns wearer, aren't you ?
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