A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So im fwb with a girl I know, been around 9 months now. We get along really well, have a great sex life but I have a few questions I hope you guys can help me with.1. Do you think it's stupid to be fwb knowing that it's not leading to anything serious?2. I hate her going out when I'm not around because some people in her friend circle are really sleazy and I don't like her being with them. I've brought it up to her before and she said 'she has her own brain' when it comes to them trying it on with her but I still feel uneasy. What can I do about this?3. I feel like I have insecurity issues and I'm not sure how to address them. Has anybody ever successfully overcome something like that ?
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (28 June 2015):
 1. It's stupid if you're hoping it will turn to more. It's not stupid if a FWB situation is all you're looking for.
2. Take a few seconds to think about why you like this girl: because she's a dumb sheep, or because she's got a brain of her own? If she's a dumb sheep, sure, go running around trying to "protect" the poor, little thing. If she's got a brain of her own, remind yourself of this when your desire to demonstrate territory gets to you. And remind yourself that you have no rights to her body or any right to decide who she gets "sleazy" with, as you're not her boyfriend. If you're unhappy with not being her boyfriend, well then make a decision or two in regards to that.
3. Insecurity issues? I don't think what you're describing comes from insecurity, I think it comes from a lack of stability. You don't know what you've got with this girl, and you don't know what you want, and you don't know whether she'll sleep in your bed tomorrow night, or in someone else's. And this instability might not be what you want in your life, hence you get a natural reaction of insecurity.. or more likely, uncertainty is what you're experiencing.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (28 June 2015):
 1. "Is it stupid to be in a FWB knowing its not going to lead to anything serious?"
Yes, IF you ARE looking for a relationship. Then yes, it's stupid.
2. I don't like her friends...
Well you are NOT her BF, nor do you GET a say in whom she hangs out with. Neither, I should hope, would a BF have a say. She DOES indeed have her OWN brain. So what can you do? NOT a darn thing (other then STOP being with her). You are "friends" who sleep together - no more.
3. You have insecurity issues. How to get over them?
EVERY body have some form of insecurity or have experienced insecurities. Letting insecurities rule your life or make your choices is definitely the wrong way to go. So is TRYING to control another person. YOU being insecure doesn't give you the right to tell HER or anyone else what they can or can not do.
Personally, I would STOP seeing this girl.
Focus on yourself. What is it SPECIFICALLY that you feel insecure about? WORK on those issues.
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A
male
reader, Garbo +, writes (28 June 2015):
 Answers to your question are as follows:
1) Yes, because, ultimately, FWB is an unpaid "double" prostitution arrangement in which none of you are charging for your sexual services. So if you want a meaningful partner you should go and get one and leave her to herself.
2) If you have issues about her sleazy friends and that she could infest you with STD, then stop being FWB with her. Similarly, if you are having jealousy issues because she may have sex with strange men then don't be FWB and go get another girl with whom you will, first, share love and trust and then enjoy sex free of jealousy.
3) Your insecurity issues with that girl are about nothing because, apart from an occasional orgasm, she is nothing to you so your jealousy is misplaced. There is nothing to be insecure about her because after you two are done having sex you two are nothing to one another.
In general, FWB is a waste of time, often very bad for the girl, and occasionally disturbing emotionally for the guy, as you attest to that. My advice is to drop her, and go get a girl whom you will call a GF from the get go, at which point you will have none of the issues you cited in this post.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2015): "Do you think it's stupid to be fwb knowing that it's not leading to anything serious?"
No, it's stupid to be FWB thinking it WILL lead to anything serious.
"I hate her going out when I'm not around because some people in her friend circle are really sleazy and I don't like her being with them. I've brought it up to her before and she said 'she has her own brain' when it comes to them trying it on with her but I still feel uneasy. What can I do about this?"
Nothing. FWB means she is free to do as she pleases when you're not f*cking her.
"I feel like I have insecurity issues and I'm not sure how to address them. Has anybody ever successfully overcome something like that ?"
Yes.
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