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female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: My boyfriend knows I hate porn. I know he watches it, but we have an "out of sight, out of mind" and "don't ask, don't tell" policy about it. However, he just pisses me off!A few days ago, he came to my house and he started asking me if I was satisfied with his size and blah blah. I know for a fact he likes big breasts better, but mine are small. I told him I was, he has a good enough penis. He started telling me how he was average in length but a bit above average in girth. Again, I don't care, since he's big enough for me. Plus, I've never even been with another guy so it's not like he has to worry that I've had bigger before! He started telling me that he felt insecure that I might be more turned on by guys with bigger penises. I was like come on! I told him he has nothing to worry about, especially since men keep their penises completely out of sight in public, you can't tell their size or anything because they're clothed, whereas you can tell a woman's breast size more easily because well, you can, and that I have to deal witht he fact that he probably looks at every girl with huge cleavage. He said I had a point.But he kept pushing the penis thing. He took my laptop and started looking up information about penis size, vagina size, etc. He got more insecure. He looked up some pictures of guy's penises, and made me close my eyes! He told me not to look. He didn't want me to see those penises, even though they were JUST PICTURES!Yet all the shots of vaginas and naked women he saw when he was looking up infor about vaginal size were ok! He just looked and thought it was funny that I tried to cover his eyes like he did with me. Plus he always watches porn and somehow I have to be ok with that? What the hell? How can I let him see how much of a hypocrite he is and that he has no reason to be insecure at all, because I do nothing to make him feel that way? Yet he does things that make me feel insecure, but he thinks it's stupid of me to be insecure over porn.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2010): Guys, and girls in there early 20s are insecure as hell about their bodies and about there sexual aptitude. You are both learning about yourselves and about each other and your BF is using porn as an education tool. The problem is that porn does not represent reality and it takes some people a long time to figure that out. It sounds to me like you are both a little insecure and your bf thinks that if he shares things he finds out about on the internet, it might help you strengthen your relationship. He probably doesn't realize that he is offending you.
As far as his hypocrisy goes, maybe you should let him catch you watching some porn with lots of big penises everywhere.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2010): Thank you everyone, I'm the original poster of this and your answers are very good. I especially liked q1605's answer
Again, thanks :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2010): The way you feel is normal and ok. If you find a solution please let me know.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2010): It's completely okay for anyone, couple or not, singularily or together, to watch porn, but if it upsets someone in the process, it should be done either together or when the other person isn't around. The same goes for masturbating. There is nothing wrong with either of them because there is no cheating involved, however, when it causes feelings of neglect or insecurity, the other person is thinking of it as cheating, so it should be handled in this way. If seeing him look at other girls on tv or the internet or wherever else, for entertainment or to lust, let him know he has to do it in such a way that you never see it going on or walk in on him doing that. That's because it's the same as looking at other women in real life...everybody does it, but trying to avoid doing it when the g/f or wife is around is important, since alot of women take it personally, like you're trying to compare them to the girls you otherwise check out. If it helps you feel more content with his natural urges as the pig that all us guys are, remember that he knows the rule..'you can look but you can't touch'. Every guy knows that, and most will never cross that line, so he's all yours anyway and you hold the key as long as you're with him. You'll never get most guys to stop watching porn if they do it, or to stop masturbating if they do that, because both of those things are a natural part of a man's sexuality. Just think of him as normal, as sick and demented as he appears.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2010): I can get being insecure over him watching porn, sometimes it feels like he'd rather look at porn sometimes? I hate that feeling. But now it looks like the tables are turned. He's looked at porn so much to where he is nw insecure with his penis size... I think you should tell him that he needs to stop looking at porn for HIS own peace of mind. Maybe a little bit of counciling, or a class that shows you thought process and how thoughts come to be is in order. Because it sounds like he just thought about it and got it into his head that you would preffer a larger penis, when obviously he's more than good enough for you. I think its because he watches porn. There is a REASON porn star's preffer larger penis's. Its usually because they've had sex so many times with men that had different penis sizes or because they've used massive dildo's that now the only way they can feel pleasure is from a larger penis... Try bringing that one up to him. Ask him why he feels like you want a larger penis and why on earth it would feel better!? Bigger isn't always better anyways.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2010): I've watched porn on my own when I was single and didn't get the appeal. I know it's not exclusively big breasted performers they use, but they're so many big breasts it's hard not to feel inadequate! If it's not big breasts it's butts, or anything really, becaus ethey always have something I don't :/
Is that what men love about it? The performers' bodies?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2010): He sounds very childish to me. Why dont you watch the porn with him? Maybe you would understand what it is that men love, and at the same time, make him grow up a little. Tell him as long as youre the one who is happy, who cares if he has a little tiddle, or a great big one-eyed trouser snake. I like to watch porn sometimes, and if I put it on, then my woman loves to watch it with me. You might like it!
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