A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have recently started something with a guy I have known for many years now. I'm 21 and he is 23. Although we have always been on friendly terms and I frequently run into him at social functions, I've rarely spent time with him one on one. This summer, however, we sort of got together one weekend. We had sex multiple times, first drunkenly, but also soberly in the morning. He told me multiple times about how he has had a crush on me for awhile now, and how this actually means something to him. Things were going well and after that weekend, I asked him if this were a one time thing for him and what he was thinking. He told me that he definitely did not see it as a one time thing, but that he also didn't see us dating. I completely agreed. We live far apart. Both have pretty intense school situations and I was fine with just chilling. We decided that we would still see each other and just keep things casual. Then the following weekend there was a little road bump. This guy, let's call him Chris, is actually a good friend of my ex-boyfriend Mark. He told me that he had tell Mark that we hooked up because he did not want him to hear it from someone else. Although I was a little annoyed by this seeing as Mark and I had broken up three years ago, I understood. He told him and then to my surprise Chris texted me telling me that he was no longer comfortable with us doing anything together out of loyalty for Mark. I was frustrated because my relationship with Mark lasted from the time I was 15 to 18. Now three years later it seems unfair that a teenage relationship gets to dictate my current relationships. Regardless I let it go. A couple months later - fast forward to Halloween. I see Chris for the first time since then and we end up hooking game. We briefly chatted and I sort of remembering calling him out on him ditching me at the end of the summer, but to be honest I was quite drunk and don't remember much more than that. We ended having sex again and he left the next morning. He then texted me saying He had a great night and that he would really like to see me again. I agreed. A couple weeks later (he had finals) we finally ended up getting together. We had a casual movie night at my parent's house. I live alone but I was visiting them for a few days so we just hung out. I thought we were just going to pregame and then meet up with others to go out, but he brought a bottle of wine and we just stayed and watched a few movies. It was actually really nice. Then he invited me over to his place for a few days later. He said he would pick me up from my apartment at school which is about an hour away from where he is. After a day of working, he drove out to pick me up, drove all the way back to his place and then took me to the movies. We had a good time and he was super insistent on holding my hand the whole time which was surprising to me. Then when we got back home, I obviously assumed that we would hookup. But he seemed very businesslike about just kind of going to bed. We did eventually hookup but I definitely initiated that and then I kind of felt like he was just trying to get it over with. He never even took my shirt off which was surprising to me considering the big effort he put in to even getting me to his place. Then the next morning we had to get up a little early and he drove me back to his place, but I just didn't feel like he was really even happy to have me around him. When he dropped me off, he didn't kiss me goodbye. It just felt strange. I texted him thanks for a great night and he responded well. And then boldly I asked "so when do I get to see ya again?" and he said "Hopefully soon." He is out of town for the next week so I knew it would't be right away. I am certain that I am probably being irrational about this, but I can't seem to figure out why he was acting like that. Is it something I did or is he just no longer interested? Thanks!
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the feedback. I really appreciate it. What's confusing to me though is that the sex seemed so not on his agenda the last time we hung out. He made such a big effort to spend the night with me and then confused me by seeming to not be into sex
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (21 November 2014):
 I think he had a crush on you when you were dating Mark and that it was a bit of a "notch in the bedpost" for him, when you two first hooked up.
He doesn't WANT a relationship with you, and I think while sex might be great he feels guilty (towards his friend Mark) when it happens which is why he keeps pulling away. And maybe partly because he doesn't KNOW what the HAY he wants.
I'd say unless you two can STICK to a platonic (not sex) friendship and BE OK with that, I'd write him off as a time-waster.
This has gone on for a time period of 6-7 months and is still awkward at times, I'd let it go.
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