A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello members, Im an Indian married for 14 years.. everything is perfect.. but my husband has never gone down on me. Ive asked him a million times.. done everything to get him for it. Im very beautiful and good at almost everything.. husband loves me a lot but an oral.. is a no..absolutely a No. Unfortunately this led me to look for a better relation with another man who absolutely wants to start off only with giving me a oral... and he can go on and on. and our encounters are a complete blast. Im not comfortable with this..but this pleasure from oral is too much to give up. we meet only about 3-4 times a year.. and those times are times to cherish.is it sooo tough for a man to do it to his wife, whos ready to give him head and does everyting for it to be clean
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female
reader, Dustmop  +, writes (26 November 2016):
Sorry about digging this up from the grave but there's a post before me that I can't help but reply to! Reading a lot of these articles I tend to find that men are the ones criticized for not respecting their women while women are told to just out right dump the man for not going down on them! I think double standards are everywhere and right now sexism shows on all sides but it's not just women here being criticized.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2015): I rarely ever write in to respond to questions about sex, really I don't like to get involved, but on this issue I will.I'm thinking, if a man was writing in saying that his wife never gave him oral sex, readers would be much more sympathetic.I am quite tired of the way that women's sexuality is de-prioritised. If you consider oral sex to be very high on your agenda, to the point where you have cheated on your husband, then I do not blame you at all and I don't see why you should go without this if it's so important to you.It's unfair that some men are able to draw a complete and utter blank on something that's so important to their female partners, yet if the roles are reversed, the woman automatically is given more pressure to think about his needs and/or find out if there is something 'wrong' with her.Oral sex for women who want to receive it should be just as 'normal' as it is for men receiving it. And I'm sorry, but I'm aware your country is incredibly sexist when it comes to women and their needs and rights, very backward indeed. So, the way I read it, this other man who gives you oral sex is giving you much more than that; he is going against the grain of your culture in order to give you pleasure and this is as much a political issue as it is to do with 'mere' sex.Would you consider leaving your husband to go and live with the other guy?
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A
male
reader, Garbo  +, writes (15 July 2015):
 While I sympathize with you about your issue with the oral, I have a huge problem with your cheating. Having an oral outside of your marriage, 3 or 4 times is the same as 1000 times because it's cheating. To be a cheater, all it takes is once so the fact that you haven't gotten an oral by that other guy 1000 times it does not mean that you are less of a cheater.
As for your question about men and oral, yes, there is a set of guys who find that disgusting. I know several of them and it is often pointless to discuss the issue because, the ones I know, find it horribly disgusting. Some reasons they say is that they feel like throwing up just on a thought that they have to put their mouth on something that pees. Others say it's too close to the anus and the shit that comes out so they gag from the thought of it let alone the smell or taste. Some say the smell of their woman's vagina is so gross that they will throw up. Others say the entire area smells on anus. Still others don't want to go down on the woman because they think that it is not manly, whatever that means. Several men I know from the Balkans and Middle East say this and note that it is a put down to lick woman's vagina. I don't know if that is cultural or what... but your man could fall somewhere in one of the above categories. I am surprised that you never asked him what makes him not want to go down on you. Knowing why would alleviate lot of problems.
Also, statistics show that vast number of females, some say in 90%, never orgasm from penetration, meaning they need oral in order to orgasm. Perhaps you fall into that category and perhaps your husband does not know that. In fact, lot of men don't know that many women don't orgasm from penal sex and think just because they penetrated the woman she loves it. Perhaps your husband is uninformed on this fact.
So open up some communications channels as to why he refuses oral, and why you need the oral. It may get you two closer and hopefully you will stop being a cheater.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (15 July 2015):
 Wait a minute.
You're cheating on your husband and yet your problem is that he doesn't go down on you? So basically you value oral sex more than fidelity.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2015): For what it's worth, it's not "perfect" if you're cheating. I'm not knowledgeable on Indian cultures to tell you anything major, but you should stop cheating. The pleasure isn't too much to resist if you're able to only have it 3 times a year. I know it feels amazing, but so do other things when the partner is attentive. I do give my boyfriend oral, but he has to tell me before he cums because I really don't like the taste and texture - maybe you should ask your boyfriend if that's it, or if he is uneasy for some reason. I could go without my boyfriend giving me oral because my boyfriend really is perfect for me and that's worth more to me than oral, you have to figure out what means more to you:
- an otherwise perfect relationship
or
- oral
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2015): Some men just hate to go down on their partners. Has your husband ever actually tried it? If he hasn't, I think you should urge him to at least try it once-- tell him you're pretty sure you'll have an amazing orgasm and hopefully that might entice him to try.
I'm not familiar enough with Indian society to know if this would be possible, but in the USA I think many women would stop giving BJs until their partner performs cunnilingus.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (15 July 2015):
 If everything is perfect as you said then I would not risk jeopardizing the marriage by cheating 3 or 4 times a year. It's simply not worth it. If he specifically asks you to give him head but refuses to give you oral, then I might conclude that he's selfish but it sounds like there are hangups about it. Maybe he's not confident with his performance, not knowing what to do with it. Maybe he feels cunnilingus is a submissive act and he's too proud to go down. It's not tough for most men, but it is for him. If he won't use his tongue he can use his fingers. Or you can touch your clit to make yourself cum while he's inside you, if it's so important for him to share this pleasure with you.
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