A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I had a second date with this guy I met online and he's pressuring me to invite him to my place. I don't know him, so I said no. He was very persistent, and said he's not looking for sex. Anyway, I didn't let him in, but needless to say, I didn't feel comfortable.He wants me to go to his place to cook me dinner, but says he'll wait until I'm ready, he'd never pressure me. I suck at dating and have been on a dating hiatus for nearly a year now because I always get hooked on emotionally unavailable men. Am I just projecting my past experiences onto this courtship, or is it a red flag that he's just looking for sex? I feel like he should be trying to get to know me, not my body.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (7 May 2015):
 Your instincts are good.... if he's pressuring you for his place or yours then I'd say no.
It may be a money issue... suggest free things or dutch dates like museums or parks or coffee shops and see what happens
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2015): CREEP alarm, CREEP alarm, CREEP alarm!Sorry, but that's all that went in my head when I was reading this!!Stay weeeeell away and keep going on dates (with other people!!).What kinda creep says "Oh, I'll never pressure you, dear" and then goes on to do exactly that?!?Don't watch his words, watch his actions!!3rd date either at yours or his?? Nowhere else was proposed?? Seriously??He's going by the "sex by the 3rd date or dump her" rule. EVEN IF he isn't, I'd still stop dating the creep. It's like somebody telling you "Don't worry, I'm not a rapist". Ummm,oook now, why did you feel the need to re-assure me of what's-the-friggin'-obvious-minimum-decent-standard-thing-for-most-living-human-sentient-things-with-a-heart?Ummm, yes, I don't meet a man and think "Yeah,he's a rapist." Actually, that's the last thing I think. So "re-assuring" me always has the OPPOSITE effect (and for good reason! IT IS a RED HOT BURNING flag!)"I'll never pressure you into anything". Ummm,ok, why did you feel the need to say that?? No one should pressure anyone into anything in the first friggin' place!! That's a given! It doesn't need to be stated!His actions would have me running for the hills!!!ps: the good ones just wait TILL you're comfortable. They just wait. Like literally. Just wait till it happens naturally. Like any normal person. They don't declare that they will and then try and get you into their place when you refuse to let them into yours.
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A
male
reader, BrownWolf +, writes (6 May 2015):
Let's get you thinking like man shall we...You meet a girl online and really want to get back to her place...ALONE. If you are thinking like a man...what would he be thinking?
Does persistence sound like "No Pressure" to you?
Want to know if he serious about you...Stay away from his place, and him from yours, and NO SEX for 3 months. Let's how much he cares.
I am sure you don't suck at dating. You are curious, and that is a good thing. Helps you to weed out the good from the bad.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (6 May 2015):
 Go with your gut instinct. There IS not need for him to come to your place or you to his until you FEEL you are comfortable around him.
I would honestly NOT like if someone tried to PUSH me into letting them into my home. While being persistent CAN be nice and show interest, it can also make a WOMAN weary. So don't go DOUBT your gut feelings.
Take it AS slow and SAFE as YOU feel comfortable with.
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A
male
reader, SensitiveBloke  +, writes (6 May 2015):
 Take it slowly and get to know him well. Stand firm and don't let him pressure you. It's hard to know what his intentions are since you hardly know him.
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A
male
reader, Garbo +, writes (6 May 2015):
 If he was looking for sex then you gave enough signals that it's not going to happen. If you like him then accept dates on neutral grounds and have some fun, if there is fun to be had. Don't overthink your moves nor how will he take them. If you are polite with your requests then he has to accept then irrespective, and if dates keep coming up then it means you are doing good.
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