A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:It is over a year since I discovered my husband ws having an affair - we are still together and things are going pretty well - however, we still have more work to do in order to be able to fully move on from this. We are both keen to have another child - and have been 'trying'. I do not feel either of us are doing this as a "band-aid baby" - we both genuinely want another child - my question is, is it selfish to persue this if we are still dealing with our marrital issues?
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks to you both for your opinions. I actually spoke with a friend about this today - she is the only person I have told about ALL that's gone on (apart from a counsellor)and has been very non-judgmental but sensible in her advice so far.
She talked about a friend of hers who'd been in a similar situation to me - who didn;t end up having a second child - apparently this is something she has always regretted - and she and her 'cheating' husband are still together 7 years on - and happy.
I honestly feel that my husband and I are going to do all that we can do to move forward from this affair - I need to hope that we too can be 'happy' and trust again in the future. I also know that I have a real longing to have another child - and if I am never able to I will probably always feel a sadness.
I agree with you too Sugarcookie - time is not on my side - so I think I am going to see what happens and pray for a successful pregnancy soon. Old guy - I agree a good start is very important - but I think two parents who want you and will support you no matter what their situation, and a gorgeous sibling - is a pretty good start. My husband and I may have trust issues - but we both still love each other and despite what my hubby did I know he is a good person and great dad - so even if we didn;t make it, I think we would be able to do the best for the child we do have now and any other little one who came along.
Thanks for your responses I appreciate it.
A
female
reader, SugarCookie  +, writes (3 March 2009):
In a way yes but taking your age into account you are sort of running out of time and increasing the chances of having a baby with a disability. You both want one so even if things fail it sounds like they will still have a father. I feel torn on this one so the only thing i can say is that if I were in your shoes I would be selfish and think about my clock and have another.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2009): To be succinct, yes. You already have at least one child, so you know what's involved in raising them. Surely you agree that your child deserves the best possible start. Is your current situation really likely to give the child that sort of start?You've taken a year to work on the issues raised by the affair. It only seems fair to any future children to take enough more time to work the issues all the way through. Lots of couples find in the end that their marriage can't survive the loss of trust. Take the time to be sure.
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