A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Is it selfish if I get mad at my boyfriend's appearance and silly behavior? Once he joked about we're having budget marriage with other bridegrooms in a ballroom. He also joked about the pressure of marriage in front of my friends. He said marriage is a pressuring topic for all men n it's a joke. I can't really understand his humor. Marriage is important issue to me, and I don't like it if he joked about it. Am I being too harsh? I also dislike his appearance, he isn't fashionable and he's getting fatter. He seems to be reluctant to workout. He loves to play games until late at night and he doesn't seem to care about how he looks, but I do. Is it wise to be angry at him because he can't understand me, I love to care about how I look and about how he looks in front of others. What should I do to work on our relationship? He cried because he's afraid that I will leave him, but I think I'm not that passionate about him now. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (27 September 2016):
 I think you should end things with him. You can never change a person, you are either in a relationship with the person he is not or else you leave. You should never try and change him. You don't like his humor, his size, or his sense off style. It sounds to me like this relationship is over.
A
male
reader, wherelifewouldtakeus  +, writes (25 September 2016):
 Doesn't seem like you agree on the basic things. you have a different mind set and neither of you have respect for one another.
Now you reset him because he doesn't look or act the way you want him too. why are you together?
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A
female
reader, NORA B +, writes (25 September 2016):
Reading your mail,it seems that you do not even like this guy anymore, never mind love him.The magic of love does not always remain As time goes on [1] you will either grow together or[2] grow apart.There is no one to blame here,its just life.....it could mean that you are not meant to be together.On this you might first sit down yourself..and think out .[1] are you still in-love with him.[2]Or have you fallen out of love with in.[3]Do you want to continue with this relationship or not.When you have all this sorted in your head,talk to your boyfriend and find out his views.Remember to be honest with him is very important for you both.The question is simple.[1] Do you both want to remain together....or not Best regards NORA B.
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A
female
reader, llifton  +, writes (25 September 2016):
 Honestly listening to the way you talk about him it certainly doesn't sound like you love him. I mean you just flat-out called him fat and said you don't like his appearance. And that you don't think he is funny. What exactly do you like about him? Perhaps it's time to reevaluate your relationship? Maybe you are not meant to be?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2016): I am assuming you have been together quite a while, based on how he's changed and you're in your mid 20's. You're starting to feel resentment towards him, he is annoying you with a childish, slightly sexist sense of humour about marriage being a pressure for men and you are resentful of his lack of care about his appearance and weight. People change over time, probably the most change happens from teenage years through your 20's and so it's completely natural to begin to feel you don't know the person you're in a relationship with anymore, or that they are not what you want in a partner anymore because you too are changing.You've already spoken to him in depth enough that he has become emotional and fears you will leave. Do you actually want this relationship anymore? Even if he got fitter and was mindful of his jokes would that be ok, or deep down do you realise you just don't want him? Now is the time to ask yourself this, separating a long term relationship isn't going on be easy even if the person annoys you because they've been with you for a good time of your adult life. But you can't stay with someone out of habit, and I am also going to assume that you've been together long enough to now need to know there is a future, a commitment - and his joking about marriage might be funny at 18, 19-23 and even 24 but if he's been with you for a few years and is now mid to late 20's too it's only natural you want to know this relationship is going somewhere. Take time to think about what you want, would you be happy marrying a man if you felt he only did it to avoid losing you - this could be taken positively too, that he would marry you TO avoid losing you from his life, that risk could be a wake up call for him.I am 26, and have been with my husband 9 years, married 3. This year we actually had to take a break from each other (just time and space, no long term break to see anyone else or anything like that, we needed space from each other). After a long time together, from a young age, it's natural that there will come a time your relationship is tested. For yourself, its the little things that are building up into a problem for you, so I would honestly recommend taking a break from each other. It helped my own relationship massively, and although there was one hell of an argument leading up to it; being apart helped us realise how we had taken each other for granted and has generally just got on top of each other for too long without doing anything to nurture our marriage. We had got stuck in a rut of day to day life and didn't make time for our relationship. Once a few days had passed we could meet and talk calmly and my husband actually realised what I was saying was true, and I realised his perspective of things too. If you want to save the relationship, or want the time to just think things over, suggest to him that you (or he) will go and stay somewhere else for a few days because you feel the relationship is in a rut and be honest with what else you are feeling (word things carefully, don't hurt him about his weight but perhaps say you feel it's taken for granted you will always be there because he has stopped making an effort with his appearance - when you are both still young and in your prime or something). Make it clear this is not a break to pursue anyone else, neither is it the end of the relationship but that the old saying 'absence makes the heart grow fonder' could just help you guys reconnect in a few days and to talk over what you want from the relationship. Hopefully things stay calm, but it could get emotional and he could beg you not to go and make promises he will change. I think in that instance it is still best to go, because it is a wake up call for the both of you to spend a few days without each other and realise whether or not you miss each other.Good luck x
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