A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello,I am just about to start a long distance relationship w/ my boyfriend of a year and a half. I am moving out of the area (about a 2.5 to 3 hour drive away) for two years. I plan on coming back to the area after that. I have been pretty visibly upset about leaving. My boyfriend's reaction has been mixed. At times, he is very supportive and comforting. At other times, he gets annoyed that I am "upset again." Just recently, I brought up the topic of travel expenses for when we visit each other. I recognize that I will be coming to visit him more often than he comes to visit me on the weekends, given my living arrangements and our working hours. I mentioned that we should split the costs of visits 50/50, especially because he has a higher paying job than me and I have a lot of student loans. He got extremely mad when I said this and started to argue with me, saying I would have to pay for myself. I was just wondering whether anyone with experience with an LDR (or, anyone who is opinionated)has an opinion on who should pay for costs of travel. Am I wrong that we should split the costs? Many thanks for your help!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2010): 50/50 is a great idea, but judging from what you wrote, he is not interested in doing so and may do it, but with anger, in a relationship it should be mutual(i think that's how u spell it), you two should never have to argue over money. From my experience if a man isn't willing to spend money on you even though he makes more money, then you shouldn't be wasting your time on him because money will be an issue between the both of you unless he changes. But if he was never stingy with his money when you both were close, maybe its just the distance that's making you two have the problems. All i can say is that money should not be a problem between couples because its always something that can be earned, and if he's a real man he'll understand the situation you are in. If he isn't willing to compromise don't be the one to visit more, and if he see's that things might change. If he loves and misses you enough he visit when you can't...
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2010): I am 28 and currently in a LDR. We've been together for two and a half years however I just moved away 6 months ago. This has been extremely hard on us because we have very strong ties. Most of our time together now involves him traveling to see me and he pays for that with no problems ever being mentioned. He even says the distance doesnt bother him its just hard not being ten minutes apart and seeing each other daily. He is definitely far better off financially than I and a lot of times will make sure I have a full tank of gas before I leave. Some men are just gentlemen and cherish what they have. You deserve to find that. Good luck
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A
female
reader, Blue Sahara +, writes (8 July 2010):
 I think money is a sensitive issue for most people, especially men. If the person doesn't offer to pay for something, most people get very irritated at the idea that someone else is saying they should. I think men especially like to give to the woman they care for but if something comes off expected it will cause a huge problem and he doesn't want to give at all. He wants what he does give to be appreciated. So I think, while it may be fair to split it 50/50, maybe you should decide if this is a huge issue for you or not. Cause judged by his response, I don't get the impression he is going to happily give you that 50%. I think it will start playing out in ways where he might be stingy in other areas where before he gave to you. Or he might visit you less and less to save money. And I think that will just hurt you more and more. I'm not saying you aren't right. 50/50 is fair. And I think he needs to realize that you have less money than him so him helping you out to keep the relationship alive is a fair trade off. But what I am saying is practically I don't think this will go over well. I think you are either going to have to lose a battle here to win a war OR decide that this is something that really bothers you and decide if someone doing this to you bothers you enough to consider leaving the relationship. Cause I honestly do not see him giving you the money without making you pay for it in some other way. Question: Is there a disagreement on the amount of times you think you should visit him vs. the amount of times he thinks you should visit him?
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