A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my bf for a little over a year and I'd like some opinions on our relationship. We met online through a dating site and hit it off immediately. He lives a two hour drive away so at first we only seen each other at weekends but five months ago he found a job here and moved in with me and things are great. We both work long hours so we really enjoy spending a few hours together in the evenings and the whole of the weekend together. Recently, he's become friends with a guy at work and they've been going out together on Friday nights. I don't mind this at all but he's been coming home so drunk that he's hungover for most of Saturday and our plans go out the window. We usually stay in and order a takeaway and watch films. He knows I get annoyed by this but he always manages to win me round. He's very affectionate towards me, always complimenting me, giving me kisses, random hugs and cuddles, he buys me flowers and little gifts often which is all lovely, but I just wish he'd stick to the plans that we've made for once. I don't begrudge him a night out with friends at all and I'm glad that he has made friends so easily around here and settled in but I'd like him to give up his Friday night boozing at least twice a month so we can do more things together.Does anyone think I'm being unreasonable?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2014): You don't have to put up with the drinking. If he drinks to excess; and he's despondent the whole day after. The result being ruined plans you've made together? It is time that you put your foot down.
Don't be so desperate to have a boyfriend that you'll endure anything. You have to set some boundaries and get an understanding between you that you committed to him based on the guy you met. Not for who he is becoming since he met this guy. It's him or you.
You have to be firm and take a stance. Your relationship is being threatened by alcohol. It's downhill from here if you don't nip it at the bud. If you tolerate it too long, it becomes a routine; then you have a full-fledged drunk on your hands.
He is no longer single. He has a girlfriend. You have no right to deny him nights out with his buddies; but he doesn't have to come home a total mess either. Everyone has to tie one on now and then. Not every-time they go out.
I will give him some benefit of the doubt. We're hearing only your side. Often it isn't nearly as bad as it is described in the post, when the girlfriend is rallying support for her cause. It could be you're just jealous he shares time with his friends; and you want him all to yourself. So you may embellish a little. He is an adult.
Hand him an ultimatum and stand your ground. Clean up his act, or take a walk.
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