A
male
age
36-40,
*llIwantIsLove
writes:Hi Friends!Thanks in advance for taking time and giving me your suggestions/advice.I am 31, Indian, 5'6" and recently divorced. I come from a rather conservative background. Didn't really date much outside my culture. I had a very bad relationship with my spouse and things didn't really work out since the very beginning of relationship. I believe in second chances and think that this is my last chance to find true happiness and "soulmate" whom I can love forever (and she loves me back!). I really want to date and get to know women from other cultures.I am very easy-going and laid back but get "stuck" on how to start and continue the conversation with a woman or probably ask her out. I am not really afraid of rejection as I understand that other person is also a human and they may or may not like me. But there is definitely going to be someone who will like me.Can you please suggest or give tips on how to talk to woman and things they usually like to talk about. Not sure if bar scene really works (and I am not really a big drinker). But I am willing to give it a try if it is an option to find someone nice. Does online dating work? How open are girls to meeting/dating guys outside of their culture? Any advice and suggestion would be much appreciated.Thanks a lot again!
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male
reader, ignorant_gringo +, writes (19 September 2015):
I'm very recently separated and also from an old fashioned traditional background (old Southern).Unless you are looking for one night stands (and possible STDs), don't pick up women from bars. If you have hobbies you could join clubs where you could find a woman with similar interests. Even if you don't meet a woman there, you'll have something to talk about when you go on a date. Women will want to know what motivates you. Meetup.com is a site for like minded groups of people to get together and have fun. Personally, I went to one dating site just to get my mind off of my failed marriage. After figuring out their search I sorted by their mutual match and found a wonderful woman. Only their search feature was of any use to me. The rest of their tools led only to women looking for a sugar daddy. Also, ignore any "winks" or favorites sent your way for 24 hours. There are a lot of bots that target men with a decent salary and some dating sites delete those accounts within a day or so.If you find yourself tongue-tied, say dating makes you nervous and that you'd like to stick with in-site email at first.Be honest, describe who you are and what you're looking for. Something that may help is to take the assessments on chemestry.com and 5lovelanguages.com and put the results in your profile.Good luck.
A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (19 September 2015):
 "...when it comes to dating I believe my mind starts working in a completely different manner".
I think this is where you're making the mistake...you're trying too hard.
Just be effortless, don't think of the girl as a potential partner; instead, look at being friends first.
Be yourself because if you try too hard then it just comes across as looking too desperate. It seems to me that you're putting too much pressure on yourself to present the best version of you to a potential date.
Just be normal, don't go onto anything thinking too much and enjoy yourself. Let loose. Let go. You'll see how much better you feel.
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A
male
reader, allIwantIsLove +, writes (19 September 2015):
allIwantIsLove is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you both of you very much. I really appreciate your kind and thoughtful words. I am a well-liked person at work, I try to start conversations with colleagues at work - both men and women and I think they like it. But when it comes to dating I believe my mind starts working in a completely different manner. Its like I am trying way too hard to impress that person but I know I mess up here & there. Any other advice?
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123 +, writes (18 September 2015):
Its really not that difficult trust me. And you don't have to go to bars and start drinking to find girls. You can meet girls anywhere - ask friends to introduce you to someone they know, hobby groups, clubs, outdoor activities. I met my soon-to-be husband at the University where I teach and we just clicked from the word go.
I'm pretty sure girls would be open to meeting guys from other cultures so don't worry about that. Just keep an open mind, don't try too hard, be yourself, have fun, enjoy life, go out and meet people and you never know...your soulmate might be just around the corner :)
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (18 September 2015):
 You will be stepping so far out of your culture / comfort zone that you may as well visit the moon. It's hard to advise from zero. get some good books like the mars and Venus series. Keep posting here for advice.
Take it slowly start with coffee dates. Talk a lot, learn as you go. To find a soulmate, you need to meet a lot of different people. Be gracious and kind. Be upfront that you just want to get to know them first.
Fortunately you live in a country with huge cultural diversity. You are also under no onus to marry soon, you will still be a good candidate in 10 years.
As to your specific questions. Bars and websites are for hookups not love. Don't fish in those waters. Instead join clubs and hobby groups. Think about service groups. This is where you meet stable people who are interested in a stable life. As to dating cross culture. the UK is a bit more open than the US, but even here it depends a lot on the person.
FA
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