A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Is it really better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all?I always thought it was, but now I’m losing that belief.I’ve only ever had the one relationship and it ended 2 days ago. I could really do with some help. I’ve never known pain like it, my mind is all over the place, I feel physically sick and I can’t think of anything other than her. Unfortunately I’ve always been a bit of a loner so I don’t really have any friends to turn to, so hopefully you could offer me some advice or comfort or anything else that will help. Life without her is unimaginable. The whole situation feels all-consuming and totally overwhelming. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, 17Irish17  +, writes (26 March 2008):
It sure is better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all. It hurts so much now because the break up just happend. It will get better with time.The good news is you now have a benchmark. When you meet another woman, and you will, you will know rather quickly if she is your type or not. It is hard to explain, but you will know what I mean when it happens.You will always have the good memories and feelings from that love. If you had never loved, you would not have been able to enjoy those great emotions and times together.
A
female
reader, korculan queen  +, writes (26 March 2008):
To you question is it really better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all: If we never love we never feel emotion. If we never love we never grow. The pain you are going through is GRIEF. There is a saying that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. The stages of grief are DENIAL, ANGER, BARGAINING, DEPRESSION AND ACCEPTANCE OF THE LOSS.
This is a powerful tool for we humans to process the hurt and LEARN FROM THE EXPERIENCE. You say you are a loner. You say you have never really had any other relationships. Ok. What I am picking up is that you have a FEAR OF ABANDONMENT. Look at your core values and beliefs. Did you experience your parents separating in childhood? Did someone influential in your life either move away or die when you got close to them ie school friends, grandparents etc, teachers. Did you move around alot and therefore did not have firm foundations and friendships formulated. Somewhere in your life a defining moment took place which is affecting your life NOW. Your fear of getting hurt and loss is actually creating situations in your life which are compounding and confirming that fear and preventing you from breaking free of this core belief. Post me and let me know the answers to these questions as it will truly help you to move forward. Take care mate.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (26 March 2008):
 Don't be too hard on yourself.
You enjoyed it while it lasted.
This breakup is not final .
It is not the end of the world yet.
Who knows what tomorrow will bring?
Treat it like a time up or a break away from each other.
Time to re evaluate your relationship.
If you are meant for each other ,
your path will cross again.
Enjoy your life with or without her...
You create your own happiness and do not depend on others.
Walk with your legs and do not be a mental cripple.
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