A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:so am so attracted to really tall thin lanky guys... not stick thin but like a naturally thin guy. Like an "Adam Levine", "John Mayer", "Jared Followill" type of thin looking guy. Thing is I am nowhere near thin. I have never been thin...wont ever be thin despite the fact that I work out three times a week and eat healthy. I also come from a long line of fat women and my mother died from heart disease as a result of being overweight. Point is: even if i try i cannot be as thin as I would like to be or to even fit in the same size as the guys am attracted to or want to get with. question is: is it plausible/realistic for me to think that I could ever have a chance to date the aforementioned type of guy when i am not that size myself. I recognise that in this day and age, while personality ensures you stay at the party, looks often are the only thing that will get you through the door. I know it could be considered stereotypical to assume that men in general prefer to date smaller sized women ...and I know that there are there exceptions but what are my tiny man vs big girl dating chances ? am tired of being hit on by big guys!!! theres this guy am really interested in .. he's a great guy....perfect size for me [meaning tall and skinny]... there seems to be a mutual interest but right now am pretending that am feeling nothing because i dont want to get my feelings hurt when he says "i really like you... but i would prefer a much smaller girl".... and end things before anything gets started. any advice?
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female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (26 September 2011):
 lots of people have a certain type, it is not wrong to have preference and if your preferred type looks nothing like you then so what? lots of skinny lads like bigger girls anyway
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you all. right now i am a size 14 but i figure i could lose a little bit more weight... because i dont feel that good about myself right now anyway. thanks
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2011): There are plenty of men who love big Women. There are websites devoted to this sort of thing.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2011): You will be attractive to men when your overall figure looks thin enough to be healthy and suggesting a childbearing age. Waist/hip ratio, etc. Men aren't into the specific dress sizes or weight number.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (25 September 2011):
 He can't help not being attracted to you, if you are not his physical type, just as you can't help not being attracted to bigger guys, who may like you but are not your physical type. You like what you like and if you aren't someone's physical ideal, well, there are many guys who are your physical ideal.I dispute the notion that you can't do something about your body; working out 3 times a week doesn't mean much if you are one of those gym-goers who go, pedal slowly on the cycle, hoist a few weights, break a sweat and call it 'done.' A good friend of mine comes from a very long line of very large, round women and now she's a figure competitor. She works at it. When I met her, she was cooking lasagne and pounding the cocktails. Now she's transformed by really working out and really watching her weight. She's an extreme case, granted, but you've given yourself a 'pass' in a very unconvincing way to me. By the way, I've gone from a US size 16 to a US size 8 in the last couple years, after going slowly from a US size 8 to a US size 16 in the previous 10 years. Stuff like this creeps up you. Five pounds gained each holiday season and not lost in the new year adds up over time.One thing to point out is that lanky guys may be skinny due to genetics but it could also be that they are physically active in ways that you won't be able to keep up with, should you start dating. So short answer is this, you may indeed find the lanky guy of your dreams but you may not be in the physical shape of his dreams. If it worries you this much, maximize your chances of being his physical type by being in good shape yourself. You don't have to be a size 0 or 2 to date a lanky guy."theres this guy am really interested in .. he's a great guy....perfect size for me [meaning tall and skinny]... there seems to be a mutual interest but right now am pretending that am feeling nothing because i dont want to get my feelings hurt when he says "i really like you... but i would prefer a much smaller girl".... and end things before anything gets started. any advice?"You won't ever know if you might fit his physical ideal if you give him the impression you don't like him. Talk about hurt feelings, he's being ignored and dismissed because of your own internal dialogue.So, stop assuming. And start getting yourself a bit healthier. Especially as you have a family history.Faint heart never won lanky dude. Go get 'em, and get yourself moving, girl!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2011): of course its possible that you can date someone like this! And I think there are actually quite a lot of skinny guys taht prefer bigger woman, you just have to put yourself out there and meet lots of people.
However, the only thing I would say is that you have to be prepared that some people will not be attracted to your body type, just as you yourself are not attracted to guys that aren't skinny and tall.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (25 September 2011):
 Why not ? Well, tbh "not thin " is a big vague and , unfair as it is, there 's a big difference between the level of social acceptance and perceived attractiveness between "flabby and obese " and, say, a fit ,healthy, proportioned size 12. So, if you are extremely overweight,.. maybe you should work on your weight to make yourself more attractive to a larger quantity of guys . But , if you are not a model type, and you have some meat on your bones , and can describe yourself as " curvy " or " pleasantly plump " or "zaftig" objectively and not as an euphemism for " morbidly overweight "... no problem. I'have never been model thin, or even particularly slim, and I have always ONLY dated slim and tall men.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (25 September 2011):
 You need to stop over thinking things. You need to gain confidence. OK so you are not thin but you need to accept that you are who you are and believe that men can find you attractive for who you are and not what you are. You will never find a man if you keep thinking that you cannot get one. This guy that you like at the moment you are probably pushing him away by pretending that you don't care about him. You need to be confident and show him that you care. Flirt with him and give the guy a chance. OK so if he does reject you it will dent your ego but at the end of the day even the prettiest of girls can have rejection. It is just part of life. Take some risks and who knows they might pay off. Be brave and tell him how you feel.
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