A
male
age
41-50,
*he_Running_Man
writes:I'm yet another guy struggling with my girlfriend's past. Please try to bear with me.I couldn't get to sleep a few weeks ago when I was at her house, so went to use her computer to surf the net for awhile. I noticed she had not logged out of her email account, and I couldn't resist the temptation to read her old emails. (Yea, I know, bad idea, I invaded her privacy, etc.) I ran across an exchange between her and an ex from a couple years ago in which he said "I really want to f*** you this weekend" Her response was "I can't wait, I'm getting wet just thinking about bending over and having your huge 8 inch c*** rammed in my p***y." I've mostly tried to avoid the topic of her exes, but I made the mistake once of asking and she said she loved having sex with all her exes. She also told me she had loved this particular ex.I had thought I had mostly put all this behind me, but my gf and I went to a party a few days ago and her ex (Mr 8 inch) was there. This led to the worst episode of retroactive jealousy and insecurity I've experienced so far. Once I start thinking about my gf and this guy going at it and her loving it, having multiple orgasms, etc. I get stuck on the thought for hours.She's told me this guy "was just too huge", that he wasn't very good in bed, etc., but that sounds like BS given the emails and her otehr comments about loving sex with all her exes. I'm really trying hard to figure out some way to deal with this before it ruins our relationship. She says she loves me and wants to get marriedShe says she's not proud of her past (Mr 8 incher was only one of many, of course), and she says she's changed. Also, she often makes comments to the effect that she's afraid I'll think she's a slut if she initiates sex, talks dirty, etc. I've told her many times this doesn't bother me, but she still seems to worry about it.Here's the actual question: I'm not sure if I can put this into words, but is it possible to turn retroactive jealousy into a turn-on? As a way to make the best of the situation, I've been considering asking my girfriend if she'd like to try dirty talk, and role playing of sorts while we're having sex, saying things like "You're just a slut, and you love it when I ___" It's not like she's going to suddenly turn into a virgin by avoiding the use of certain words with me. My fear is that she'll be very offended by my suggestion given that she's ashamed of her past, says she's changed, etc. Also, it seems somewhat demeaning, and I'm not at all sure if it would help me get this out of my head.Yea, I know there's a big double standard, the past is the past, etc. On the other hand, how many people who say the past is the past would be OK with their partner going out and having sex with different people every day at lunch? After all, by the time you'd get home from work, what happened at lunch would be in the past.
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her ex, her past, jealous, orgasm, the internet Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Gabrielle Stoker +, writes (23 February 2011):
 The retro jealous question has been debated Ad Infinitum on these boards so I won't re-iterate much of that. I'd suggest you look through the previous postings before you make any decisions. And 'run for the hills' is definitely NOT what I would consider a reasoned response.
Would just like to point out a couple of things - most women would have a past. Besides, the email sent from her account might simply have been a part of 'verbal foreplay'. Don't throw away a good thing just because of some words said in the past.
As for whether this can be made a turn-on...I'm not so sure. You need to talk this through with the girl.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2011): Run for the hills bro! I know, the past is the past, but you really don't want that on your mind. Sure you can try to get over it, and she'll say she loves you as much as you want, but at the end of the day, way back in the farthest regions of your brain, you'll get those mental images of her with someone else. It's a hard pill to swallow day in and day out - especially if you plan on getting hitched. From personal experience, I'd say leave. There's plenty of other "fresh" fish in the sea (6.5 billion people on this planet and most of them are women!). All the best.
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