A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi, My husband as recently landed the bombshell on me that he is gay. We have been married for 8 years and have two children together. I don't know what to do or think. Is it possible to turn gay?I know as a fact that he dated women before me and had no problem getting an erection and making love to me.Is he just confused? I know I am. How can I get my head around this?
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2010): Last month I discovered on my partners computer whilst he was at work that he had joined a swinging site upset and confussed i decided to join myself to view his profile once i found him I became heartbroken as his relationship status was single and bi curious we have been together for 4 years and have a child together i havent said anything to him as im scared of losing him but im desperate to say something iv been checking the site daily to try catch him logged in today i finally did his been speaking to another man who his planning on meeting how far can i let this go before i tell him i know or should i let it continue i love him dearly his my world we had made plans for us to move in together but since his join his having second thourghts tells me that he has to be certain about living together im scared his going to meet this man and forget me and his child what should i do
A
male
reader, HOCDSUCKS  +, writes (17 June 2009):
HOCD can cause problems such as this to arise.
You know if you are gay or not you can't just turn bi or gay.
Get your husband to see the doctor or something if he suffers from anxiety and depression.
We all know that he is not gay because he has had erections around women anyway so he cannot be gay, maybe bi-sexual.
OCD is a pain and it can change all your thoughts into lies.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2009): Your husband didn't turn gay. He's always been bisexual. The real question that you should be asking yourself is whether he's been actively sleeping with guys behind your back before now. If he works late, leaves earlier than he needs to in the morning, takes lunch breaks alone, goes out of town for business, or has free time that isn't accountable to anyone except himself then he has had plenty of time to have sex with men while married to you. I suggest that you get tested for HIV and ask him to be tested as well just to be safe. If he refuses then have yourself tested and don't sleep with him anymore. I only say this because married and closeted gay men tend to sneak around and are more prone to being careless when in the heat of the moment.
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A
female
reader, clairey g +, writes (22 January 2009):
hiyamy husband and i split up 4 yrs ago, we have 2 sons aged 9 and 7 and were together for over 7yrs. throught the marriage i was very lonely, had very little sex (onli if he wanted a child) and he was the most coldest man i have ever been with. Yet he was soooooooo excentric lovin the rocky horry show drssing up loved dancing, knitting, infact her was more femanine than me lol!! and all my time with him i just knew he was gay just knew it but he always denied in and i took the blame from everyone for the marriage break up as i eventualli decided to leave. less than 4 yrs later after me being all the pigs under the sun he introduces me to his 'boyfriend' well wonder why i wasnt suprised!!i believe he was born gay certainly hate to think i have turned him gay lol!! but was does truly truly annoys me more than anything is the fact i could have had my boys to a man who loved me, found me attractive and most of all didnt lie to me about his sexuality.i feel that all i have been is his baby making machine and he has taken away the best yrs of my life and all he can say is he is just soooooooo lucky to be a gay dad lol!!shame my sons dont see it like that!!grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr sorry im just so angry, hurt and full of pain xx
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A
female
reader, youngandhappy +, writes (10 January 2009):
 I know how you feel. this is very difficult for me but I am 24 years old and i have been with my boyfriend for nearly 5 years. He is 43 years older than me. However he does not look or act his age. I am slim with blonde hair and blue eyes and I am quite attractive, I could have any man but I love him. Recently when using the computer in the autotype on google a lot of gay websites had been visited. I felt sick to my stomache. I then secretly went thru his phone to find texts and pictures to and from a number of guys. I was in an awful state and cannot understand it. He has had many relationships with women and people even call him a womanizer, he also has a number of children. I know this for over 3 weeks now and havnt said anything to him, I sleep in our bed but I wont have sex with him but to be honest he is not interested anyway. I feel like I have turned him Gay. I truly love this man though and i never want to be without him. I have even begun thinking about just accepting this side of him and pretend like nothings wrong. Please do not tell me that i should leave him blah blah blah I wont leave him, i lovehim, unconditional love means just that.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2008): It sounds like he is confused. Many people go through phases where they question their sexuality. Maybe he has decided to explore another sexual aspect because he is board. If he has fathered children he is definately a straight male, just a little confused right now.
Good luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2008): You are not alone. A friend of mine was with a guy for 11 years from when they met at Uni and it was only when she left him (she got bored) he admitted he was gay and came out. Now he is seeing a guy he was apparently in contact with before Uni!! So I think a lot of men struggle to come to terms with being gay and perhaps don't admit it to themselves may have pressure to follow their family's expectations (wife and two kids etc). Reasons are many and varied. The worst aspect for my friend is that she feels she could have had many years with another man rather than this guy where it was going no where. The split because of the sex side of things. She now realises there were clues (although its really messing with her head now as she goes over and over what signs she missed ) he had a lot of female friends, there was often an 'awkwardness' when he was in male company and a few other more intimate clues. You may benefit from contacting a gay / lesbian helpline to get a different perspective. I feel for you as this is like a double betrayal - he was not himself and its like he has cheated. You need to distance yourself from him physically to be able to deal with this and do not handle it alone. In answer to your question I don't think people 'turn' gay. However when they admit / outwardly act upon being gay can be at any point in their lives.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2008): I'm really sorry this is happening to you. I hope you're letting yourself feel all the emotions (similar to a wife hearing her husband wants to leave her) confusion,disbelief, anger, grief, sadness...and at the end is Hope. There really is Hope for you and a 2nd chance at life and loving. I personally think he is confused, but you can't 'talk' him into changing his mind. With gayness more acceptable than ever, men have started experimenting, and that leads to confusion. Logically speaking, our bodies WILL RESPOND to touching or misplaced feelings (male or female). ANYWAYS, you need to take care of yourself and children and let go of this marriage. Please give yourself a new vision of what a life with a man that knows who he is, and wants a future with you and all your curves :) p.s.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (8 December 2008):
 I don't think people suddenly turn gay. I think he may have been lying to himself, hiding his true orientation, and trying to stay within societal norms. It certainly is a bombshell, so try to keep focused on a couple of things.
It is not your fault. You didn't cause this.
You need to be taking care of yourself, and don't rush into any decisions or do anything that will compromise your own future financial or family security.
Find a support group; there's some help at this website that might provide guidance for you:
http://www.straightspouse.org/
Also some help here:
http://www.voy.com/86426/
Keep the lines of communication with him open.
And do find out what activities he may have been doing; you need to keep your own health intact, so get very specific and ask him to be fully honest, difficult as that may be for you.
Get support from your family or a close friend, you don't need to feel all alone in this.
I hope this helps a little.
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