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male
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anonymous
writes: Is it possible for ex's to ever become friends after a devastating heart breaking break-up.I was dumped a month ago and if I could, I'd erase the memories of what we had, because I feel that it was all lies, and betrayal and that I was the pathetic victim. In one of our last messages he hoped that we could be friends and that I'd forgive him, but I really wish that he could drop off this planet, and that I'd never hear from him again!I can't handle the thought of him being with someone, infact I don't wnat him to. I just really hate him, and maybe in future I'll be able to, but I doubt it.How can ex'c be friends after betrayal? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, chirpychicken  +, writes (17 June 2006):
 it doesnt sound like you can, sometimes exes can be mates if they break up on mutual/good terms but in your case you cant as its a hurtful break up. move on and find yourself somebody who will treat you well.
good luck
CC x
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (17 June 2006):
 In your case I would say that friendship would be highly unlikely. It certainly doesn't sound like you desire a frindship with the guy so I guess you just need to move on to greener pastures. Good luck.
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female
reader, Phoebe Halliwell +, writes (17 June 2006):
 Hi,
First you have to get compltely over him.
When you can't get your ex out of your head it’s all too easy to remain possessed by past passions. The only way to lay old ghosts to rest is to exorcise your ex!
Before you can move on, you need to let all those pent-up feelings out. It’s totally normal to feel sad, upset, disappointed, lonely and even downright furious!
Talk to someone you trust and bawl your eyes out. Punch your pillow and deface his photo if it makes you feel better: whatever it takes to squeeze out all that hurt you’ve been holding on to. If you keep your feelings inside, they’ll haunt you forever.
Now you need to close an imaginary door to stop those feelings creeping back in. Start by removing everything that reminds you of him. Change your room around so it looks different than it was when you were together.
List the reasons you’re better off without him and remember to include all his ugly points. Now make a list of the things you want from a boyfriend in the future. You’ll soon see that the past is best left behind you, while the future has much better things in store.
The ghost of your relationship will lurk for a while, so it’s important to stay strong everyday. Stop asking if he called when you were out. No more checking your emails obsessively and whatever you do, don’t be tempted to call or text him.
You also need to banish him from your thoughts, so no more dreaming about getting back together when you go to bed at night! This is the hardest part, but hang in there and you’ll get through it.
An experience like this will change you, and that’s good because you’ve learnt from it and you’re ready to move on as a new, improved person.
This is an excellent time to reorganise your life and set some new goals. Stop looking back and start looking forward. Your past passion is dead, let it rest in peace!
When you are over him then there is no reason you can't be friends. I followed all the steps above when my boyfriend of 1 and a half years dumped me and now we're really good mates. You will heal over time, don't rush yourself and be his friend when you think you are ready.
Hope this helped!
Blessed Be,
Phoebe
xxx
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