A
female
age
41-50,
*omi
writes:Hi.I have been married scince 4 years.But it was not a happy married at all.my husband is 35 years old immatured egoistic guy.he really don't know the meaning of marriage.he try to share everything.household expenditure,if he buy furniture then you have to pay the half amount then only you can use that.But he earns well.he spends a lot of money for buying new cloths,new shoes etc. But he is reluctant to spend money on me and my family.he doesn't allow to touch now phone,laptop is any personal staff.I tried to convince him lot.we went for marriage counselling.But this guy not ready to accept his fault.I was so fustrated with his behaviour that I tried to convince him, then beg, then threat.But nothing worked out.I impulsively said I need divorce.he said ok.But honestly I don't want because of my parents.plz suggest if I could save my marriage
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2018): You must do what is best for you and not just do whatever pleases your parents. Your parents should care for your happiness. You have tried counselling and it hasn't worked. If you are unhappy I think you should make the necessary provisions and leave.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2018): You went to counseling and it didn't work. The man doesn't seem to have feelings for you; so you are in this marriage all by yourself.
Married-people are supposed to share the cost of living; but his money is your money too. If you don't have a job and rely on his income; you will have little independence. If you're so old-school you let him control the money you earn; we certainly can't offer any fix the marriage-counselor couldn't!
What kind of advice do you expect from us? You are apparently a traditional Indian woman. To suggest that you go against your customs and cultural-traditions might be presumptuous, or disrespectful of your culture.
You'd have to have the courage to be defiant.
If he agreed to a divorce without any hesitation; apparently he doesn't love you, nor does he enjoy being married to you. You definitely don't like being married to him. Your parents don't have to live with that arrogant S.O.B! I sense you're very passive or genteel by nature. Not too assertive.
You're too mature to be worried about what your parents think; when you're the one stuck in a marriage with no love or respect in it. Are they so heartless they'd insist you stay hostage in a marriage to a man who treats you like his servant? If you come from a more progressive and modern family, maybe you wouldn't allow this. Don't they love you enough to want you to be happy and to wish you the best? Or do they just want grandchildren; no matter how unhappy you are in the process?
I would think they would put your happiness before just keeping you married. Read your post. Would a happily-married woman write a post like that?
More than likely you married him, or got married, for their sake. Fulfilling tradition, being an obedient daughter, blah blah blah, and what-not. You are a full-grown woman. Not a child. You fulfilled whatever obligation you had to your parents to marry; so they wouldn't have to be the parents of an unmarried-spinster. Now bring them into the 21st-century.
Now grow the hell up and do what's best for you. He's a grown-man; and he isn't going to let you tell him what to do. The aunts and uncles have no advice how to brainwash your husband into loving you and treating you well. That's something that has to be in him to do. You can't make him over.
So he may as well be selfish, stingy, and divorced from you!
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