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male
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*kates89us
writes: Im having trouble letting go of my ex she keeps calling me. no matter how often I tell her I am not coming back she often finds away to call me. especially on weekends. She makes no sense. when I was with her I warned her about her losing me. She did not listen and is not listening now. She calls me and tried to make me feel guilty. She has no clue what is going on and it makes me feel so badly for her because she has a lot of losses in her life and her life has not been easy. I guess I should not care but its very hard. How the hell am I supposed to meet someone new if she keeps calling. Im sure my new girl would love hearing me talking to my ex. Any advice? Is it possible to be friends after love is lost?
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2006): Naturally, you care but I can see you are determined to move ahead. Good for you. You will have to be strong-almost heartless and cut off all contact because you are so right, being in contact with an ex can and most certainly will interfere with all subsequent relationships you get involved in. She is hanging on, she's not ready to let go. This is her issue..not yours. I know that sounds harsh but you can't keep this up. She has to learn to 'stand on her own two feet', become more independant from you, gain some strength and work through the loss. The more you talk to her the more she will have a hard time with closure. Stop taking her calls...today.
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male
reader, Lostandalone  +, writes (21 November 2006):
 For me it has never been easy to be friends with ex's. I choose not to. Its just to hard in the beginning and once you haven't had them in your life for a period of time then why bother. Go on with your life. I know its hard but don't answer the phone and don't talk to her. It will get easier for her in time once she meets someone new.
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male
reader, Sonworshipper +, writes (21 November 2006):
It is possible, but there needs to be a period of healing and readjusting to the new roles. Do you see her as a worthwhile friend? I ask this because you don't want to play with her heart or feelings.
The next step is to lay down some clear ground rules - this is for both your sakes. Then take it a step at a time, you or she might sometimes find yourselves having feelings for the other - but don't do it at the detriment of the friendship - if there's no foreseeable future.
BUT DON'T PLAY WITH HER FEELINGS!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2006): I'm still very good friends with my ex and at first I was just like your ex. I called him and I wasn't over him at all but now I have someone new and its become so much easier to be friends with him. Just give her time...it's not easy for her.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2006): Well to begin with stop feeling guilty because she had been through so much in the past. That is not your fault and you shouldn't feel as if you owe her anything because of that. Just keep the conversation short and sweet when you do get to talk to her. Tell her straight that it is over and you want to be able to move on. It is possible to stay friends (to a point) with exs but as you so wisely said, what about the time when you meet someone else. I know i wouldn't feel comfortable if my bloke had his ex keep getting in touch. You are going to have to be very firm with her or just stop answering the phone for a few days when you know it is her until she gets the message. She is the ex, stop feeling guilty. Take care xx
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