A
female
age
36-40,
*eeling.numb
writes:my SO and I are in a long distance relationship for about 20 months. we've seen each other every 3 months or as often as out jobs/school and pocket books allow. out next planned visit is less than a month away. each summer, my SO goes out of state each year to volunteer at camp and i just found out that my SO kissed a girl while out partying with the counselors. when we skyped the next day, he was going to break up with me without telling me and blaming it on the distance or he was just not going to tell me at all even saying he didn't do anything dumb because he's dating me. my stomach is still turning thinking about it. we're going to try and work through it but when i asked him if he would do it again, i got a "i don't know because i never thought i would cheat in the first place" which isn't comforting. since last year i have planned on going to visit him in early august so we had to discuss if the trip was a good idea or not, we came to the conclusion that we would keep the trip and use it to talk face to face.he's been having issues with the distance and while we can't solve that issue right now, we had come to an agreement that we would live together in less than 9 months when his contract expires and he can collect unemployment. he said he never got over being frustrated with the distance and that played a part in him not pushing the girl off him but he said nothing further came from it and it was less than 10 seconds. his actions, partying for close to 48 hours straight, were so out of his character i knew something was going to happen but i never imagined he would tell me that a girl kissed him and he didn't stop it. in high school, i kissed random boys while i was in relationships and while the relationships were far more immature than ours, i felt like a hypocrite if i ended it without us trying to fix it. i feel like a kiss is so insignificant but in combination with the lying and "i don't know", it's hard to come to terms with it just to start the process of moving on.my classmates has said that i'm not showing anger and i just feel numb at this point. i am in medical school so i can't really dedicate hours or days to assessing my feelings. he has another week of camp so i won't talk to him for 6 days.i guess i need to know if anyone has ever had their SO kiss someone and you were able to save the relationship and rebuild your trust?
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (25 July 2012):
 It is always hard to regain trust in a relationship after your partner cheats on you. You are busy at the moment which is a good thing because sitting around thinking about it is not going to help you anyway. Its good to keep busy. I can see why you would want to give things another go. He came clean to you, so he did do the decent thing, yes for those 10 seconds he did not think straight, but at least he never took it any further. My guess is that he is shocked he behaved like this and that is why he answered that he was not sure. My bet is that the distance has a huge factor to play in this as well. Long distant relationships are so difficult and it is good to hear that you both have plans to be together after nine months. Yes he made a mistake and he admitted to it. I honestly think things will be much easier for you both once the distance has closed in between the both of you. Yes you will be angry at him for a while, and it may take a while to regain trust but you would both need to put hard work in to making that happen if you both want the relationship to work, he needs to prove to you that he can be trusted and that is hard when you are both so far apart at the moment, but the answer to your question is yes the relationship can over come this if you both work hard. Good luck.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2012): If you want to forgive your so yes you can. I forgave my so having sex with someone else. And the relationship got better he hasn't done it again I don't know it's up to you can you forgive your so for betraying your trust?
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