A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:ok here it goes i am married i have been for seven years, i also have a boyfriend of six years, its a douple life its hard, but i cant get myself up to tell my husband,my boyfriend is married also he, we have been talking about getting together, but i just cant do it, is it posible to be in love with two men, cause i surely feel this way what am i to do help?
View related questions:
love two Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2007): You say "Together they are the perfect man." You talk as if these two persons are parts that assembled make a whole and it's the whole you actually love. It's your words. You have two pieces that you say are incomplete without one another, and you love the put-together. Impossible connections. There are cases when a woman lives with two men at the same time, in the same house. Rarely. And disagreed... by others. You can't do that, but you've practically lived six years split between pieces, and wanting the whole puzzle. What about the guilt? Your husband is unaware of all these. What about the other man? He agreed to "share" you for such a long time! The relationship between you two lacks jealousy, as you both have an official partner. Does the "other man" know you claim to love them both? What does he say? He wouldn't risk the certainty of his marriage to have the satisfaction that most people "in love" have to be able to say to the world "Hello. I present you my wife?" And you have hesitations in denying your son the happy family picture. It's false right now, anyway. If this is in fact the problem, there are many divorced couples that treat the situation with such gentleness just to keep the child on a pedestal of safety, and many of them succeed. But no, it's not the only problem, you'd be concerned about your husband too? Right now you're building his happiness on a lie nevertheless. Dear, I am almost certain you are confused about your feelings. It's the "perfect man" you love, and neither of them is this man, only a part of him. The solution to your problem is... decide. Decide which of these men better tends to be this image, this ideal image. What do they do, how are they like, tell us more. Has it ever happened before to feel so undecided, in previous relationships? You are living a double life, you won't be able to maintain it for too long. The stress, the lies, the exhaustion? Do you ever look at the others and wish to have an existence free of backbreaking secrets? It's at the distance of a "choice", hard though it may seem. You chose to be in this situation in the first place. Write me in private, if you wish.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI have tried and weighting between the both of them it just dont seem possible.Together they are the perfect man.I can look at one and say i know am sercure with you,and with the other one its like god i know that me and him are meant.My husband i know loves me, me and him have a child together,so i cant just jump up and leave.So to make sure my child has a father there, i stick around somedays are good some are bad just like any normal relationship.So am to where, to make one side of me happy, is to make sure my child has the family envi.but i really see myself in love is with the other man.I know i messed up doing it in the first place,i have been with my boyfriend for six years and i cant just tell him i cant talk to him know more he has never disrespected me for me to do that to him.so yes i am stuck between two worlds, and you cant even began to know what its like till it happens to you. dont let it, dont marry till you just know for sure.Cause it sucks to end up where i am.If any body might have any more advice please help.I not a bad person i am just in a really messed up situ.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2007): It's like being caught between two worlds, you must try and see to which one you want to belong to the most. Many people here when they feel confused, have feelings towards two people at the same time, come and ask unequivocally "Which should I choose?" seeing a sacrifice is required and they're advised "put them on a list and compare them, see what weights better." You're living a duble life, it's probably stressful to have to hide this, and unfair to your husband, which I presume is unaware of the other man's existence. If you don't want to lose both, you should make a decision. You say you love two men, but you probably love each of them differently, think of that and what they offer you, could it be stability one and attraction on the other hand? If you'll want to have a child, you'll want to teach him to be moderate and realistic. You've never talked with the other of getting together since you're both stuck in an official relation, thus I say you should remain with your husband. It wouldn't be hard since you love him too. And yes, it seems to be possible to love both men, some people say they've experienced this in their lives, others say if you feel you love them both you are confused or don't love either, to me for one love gives sufficiency. We just can't have it all, choices are necessary.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2007): I think it's very much possible to love two men. What you have to do is figure out what it is you really need the most out of a relationship and go with whichever man gives that to you. Though it could be possible that neither gives you what you fully need, on their own, so you make up for that by having two of them. In which case you need to find a third one that has what the two of them have put together minus the things about them that you really don't care for.
...............................
|
