A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Since the man I was dating the last year wasn't taking our relationship seriously I don't call him any more and I have told him that I see him as a friend from now and in the future. Although these aren't my real feelings I pretend that I don't have any real interest for him. Although he used to call sometimes, now he has a lot of time to call. I don't intend to continue the relationship with him but I would like to have communication between each other. I can't really put him out of my mind but I don't intend to continue my relationship with him. Can I really get over my feelings for him? Is it possible to keep communication without feeling pain or disappointment? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (16 February 2009):
 Unless you're a really good actress, it might be a good idea to limit contact with him until such time as your feelings truly have faded to one of merely friendship. Right now, it sounds as though it hurts you too much to have communication with him. I think it might be a good idea to be too busy to have time to speak with him.
And yes, you can get over those feelings, or rather, they tend to fade to insignificance with time and persepctive. So give yourself permission to put yourself first, don't maintain contact just because he's pushing it on you, if he wanted to be in a relationship with you, he would have fought for it when you broke off the dating. He does know you've broken up with him, doesn't he? You did tell him that you were ending it because he wasn't taking it seriously, didn't you?
So while you may be feeling pain and disappointment now, just keep in mind that these will become less hurtful as time goes by. Again, keep yourself busy and don't speak with him if you don't really wish to.
Good luck!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2009): My personal experience has been that when things are over, you should drop all communication and move on. I know that sounds really hard, and it really sucks at first, but I think it really helps you to get over the situation a LOT faster than if you continue with the relationship. I think after some time apart, you can come back and be friends, but I really think for awhile after a break up there has to be complete space and non-communication so that you can move on. Best of luck to you.
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