A
male
age
36-40,
*aogwan
writes:Is it possible to have been in one relationship with one person and just stay with that person? Or is it better to get'experienced' and then settle down?I am a lil confused, I have been with my gf for 1year and 2months, shes my first gf and im 21 which is a bit embarassing, shes the only girl ive ever been with and done anything with. We gave each other our virginity. However, she is has been with boys in the past and is more experienced,but I have been her longest relationship and I am her first love. And now we've been together for over a year i feel its time to think a lil bit more seriously. I do love her, but i am asking myself those questions stated in the first paragraph.I cant see myself with anybody else only thing that stops me thinking far ahead with my gf is her past even though she gave her virginity to me. Can someone help me please? thank you
View related questions:
her past Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2008): Ideally, it is probably better to have various relationships before settling on someone. However, most of those relationships will probably lead nowhere, as they will turn out to not be a person who you could love. You could break up with her and go out for more experience, but you stand a very good chance of not finding anyone as good as what you have now. You may find someone who you think is better, but it is prpbably unlikely. There are a lot of good and loving people out there of both sexes, but only a very few of them are really compatable partners.
My advice is to keep what you have now. Have you talked to her about your fear? If not, bring it up gently and talk to her about it. She has told you that none of her other boyfriends were as good as you are to her. I would suspect that you would have come to the same conclusion if you had dated others before her.
One problem that I see is that you may always wonder if you should have gotten more experience dating other women if you settle on her now. This may bother you in the future. I had a similar situation years ago after my divorce. My first girlfriend had much more sexual experience than me and I have many times wished that I could have had other long relationships before settling on someone. However, I knew that I had found a special person and decided to stay with her. I have not been sorry that I made the decision to stay with her, but it still bothers me sometimes. I believe that you will feel similar feelings in the future. Only you can decide if you will regret not having other relationships, but I think that you stand a greater chance of regretting not staying with her if you do decide to go out and get more experience.
To answer your original question - There are many couples who have married their first boyfriends or girlfriends and have been happy for the rest of their lives.
I just discussed this with my wife before posting this answer and she believes that people of your age should have the time to have varied relationships to be able to better decide what they want in a long term partner. This is just her opinion, as she only had 1 boyfriend before the guy who she married and she thinks that she should have dated more. However, that was many years ago and it was the norm for people to get married at an early age back then. This is no longer the case in these days.
A
female
reader, O Connor  +, writes (4 March 2008):
 i think that wat you have found with this girl is one in a million - why give that up to risk not finding it again? so wat if you have less experience - wat experience you do have is alot more special then wat she has had before. if you love her and know that you want to be with her - then do it! dont think that there is something better out there because there isnt - you have found it. unless all you want to do is 'sow your oats' - then fair enough, go do it and be like that.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2008): Unless there's someone you're madly in love with other than your gf and they want you, too, then DON'T screw up a great thing you have, especially for no reason! I guarantee you you'd regret it, and end up being really lonely. You're in the 18-21 year old range - hate to be the realist, here, but other forces in life could end your relationship, anyway. So my advice is, love what you have, when you have it! The old saying is 100 million percent true: you don't know what you've got 'til you've lost it! Heed those words...
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2008): If you love your girlfriend I would not let the fear of the unknown stop you from keeping the relationship going. As long as it is meeting both of your needs and is still growing and not stagnating or holding you back from your goals in life, I say more power to you!
Having experience dating others is educational for those of us who don't know what we want, but a lot of times it is just the same thing over and over again and ends with someone getting hurt.
If you have found love you are one of the lucky ones, and don't let your girlfriend's past bother you, especially since she was a virgin and gave that to you....
If it does bother you however never to have had another lover, then by all means break up and be free, but be sure that you won't regret either decision later and that is hard to predict, isn't?
It is your choice, hun, and yes it is possible to have only been with one person.
...............................
|
