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Is it possible to have a girlfriend for that long and fall for someone else?

Tagged as: Dating, Three is a crowd, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (29 May 2009) 4 Answers - (Newest, 29 May 2009)
A female New Zealand age 30-35, anonymous writes:

hello,

well i have a really confusing situation that's been bugging me for over a year now!!!

last year, i met this amazing guy at uni, i liked him from the first time i saw him staring at me. for the first couple of months, i didnt know him, but he was always around where i was (even in places where he wouldn't need to be!!), he'd always sit near me in classes and stare like the whole time, at first he'd turn his head every time i catch him staring, but then he started holding my gaze and smiling his cute adorable smile :D

long story short, a few weeks later we got introduced by a friend, and all of a sudden he started being really friendly and nice, nicer to me than other girl, this made me feel in heaven.

he'd look deep into my eyes whenever we talk (or just hang around), we always talk about general stuff though, like studying and friends. all this time he didnt' mention to me or anytime around me that he has a girlfriend of 5 years!!!! i was devestated when i found out through a friend.

i think i'm actually in love with him, and he acts like he likes me too. compliments, smiles, and long dreamy gazing, i couldn't help but notice the look of guilt on his face though whenever he stares at me for a long time (due to the gf maybe?),

anyway what should i do? i don't know if he really likes me or if he's just playing with my feelings (or just being nice back)? even if he does, i'll still have to keep my feelings for myself, because i don't want to be the cause of any damage to his current relationship.

Plz help, i cant stop thinking about him, he's such a great guy and he's so amazing to me, but knowing he likes me back would make the pain less i guess (even if i can never be with him) at least i know we shared the same feelings ;l

so my question is, does he like me? is it possible to have a girlfriend for that long and fall for someone else? and what should i do to help me get through this without hurting, him or me or his girlfriend??

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A reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2009):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thanks to all those who replied, it really helps to clear my mind a little bit. it was all great advice and i'm trying my best to follow it :)

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A female reader, kellyxxx United Kingdom +, writes (29 May 2009):

kellyxxx agony auntI like your mature approach to this, I love how you are considering his girlfriends feelings. Just stay away from him, it will make the feelings end quicker if you avoid him, keep conversation to a minimum!! And don't look at him too much, then you will send him signals that you aren't keen. X

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A reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2009):

What you should do is just be friends. It will be hard but this way you wont lose him. If it was him asking for help, the best thing I could tell him is to decide whom he likes more and break it off with that other person properly.

But there is nothing you can really do to avoid drama and win him over. If he ever confesses to you , hopefully you 2 don't jump into anything. Ask him to respect you , do it properly and break up with his current gf.

These things have happened to my friends, they are with someone for a long time but then they meet someone else who seems better and they get along with better. I just tell them be a man and don't cheat. Make a decision and chose to be with that person.

Anyway good luck, hope an opportunity arises, sounds like a great guy for u.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2009):

Get over it he has a girlfriend and if he does it to you then he will do it to you so just forget him and find someone else. Btw he might just use you for sex.

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