A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi everybody,I am new to this site but I registered as I have a major issue and I do not know who else to turn to - I don't feel that I can discuss it with any of my family or friends as I live in a close-knit community and I do not think I can trust that this will remain in confidence with whoever I tell.Anyway, my boyfriend and I have been together just over 2 years now - I am 28 and he is nearly 30. We really enjoy life and socialise a lot, eat out, go shopping and live a very carefree and relaxed life together. We have a very loving relationship and we feel that as well as lovers we are also best friends - I think we have the perfect relationship, which not many people can say these days.My boyfriend has always known that I am not interested in having children. Even though he has mentioned that he would like a family one day, I have always just tried to just brush it off. But recently he has started saying that he definitely wants to start a family within the next 5 years, and he has asked me to consider if our relationship has a future as we are both after different things in life. At this precise moment, I am almost 100% sure that I do not want children, but who's to know how I will feel 5 years down the line? He does not want to take this chance and wants to know that I will give him the family he wants, but I cannot commit to this.We are both extremely upset about the whole situation, as we love each other so much and do not want to split up over this. But then again neither of us want to live a lie pretending that everything is going fine, when we both know that at some point our paths will be going in different directions. Please can anybody offer me any advice as to what to do? Help would be most appreciated.Thank you.
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best friend, confidence, split up, want children Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2009): You have to let him go, unless you are willing to make some sacrifices and have children.
A
female
reader, Rose_red_09 +, writes (15 October 2009):
Well I can only relate the story of a very close friend - they were in the situation that you were in. They continued the relationship and he hoped that she would change her mind but she never did - the result being that they just don't know how to split up after being together so long but he is really resentful that he will never have children. There is alot of pain on his side of things and it really is very sad.She has said to him to leave and find someone else - but there are so many emotions involved now after 15 years together - it's just not so easy to walk away. She really should have let him go years ago.Good luck to you.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (15 October 2009):
This is crap and I absolutely sympathise. I was very lucky in finding a man who was happy to be an uncle but not a dad, as I feel the same as you.
The short answer is that you need to end things.
If he is 30, then short of marrying a much younger woman, he only has a few years to find a partner, fall in love, get married, get financially secure and get her pregnant. Biological clocks start ticking after 30 so he needs to get a move on.
You have to let him go. He is making the choice to possibly leave the love of his life, and settle for a girl he may not love as much to get kids, but that is HIS choice. You have to let him make it.
I'm so sorry that this has happened to you because I could see how easily it could have been me, and I can understand that pain and doubt about your choices.
Let him go now and go travelling, or get away somewhere for a last minute holiday with a friend.
Good Luck!! xx
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