A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have been married for 20 years, up until now I always thought I had a fairytale story. My husband is a great guy who always is there for me, and a fantastic father.Our sex life is great and exciting. Since december, he has been telling me that he really wants to try new things, he talks about having a threesome, he talks about open relationships. he admitted to almost cheating on me. (honestly he did everything but have sex). I try to understand him because he insists that he does love me, and wants to be with me. What is bothering me, is that he talks about this every day..... Is it possible to be so obsessed and still be in love????
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2010): Thank you Laura, for answering my question, I see what you are saying. I still have a hard time understanding that he can be in love with me even though..... Well I guess I can't think like a male. Thank you Miamine, I will go look it up. The last thing I want is a divorce or a separation, I do not see myself without him. I love this man to death, but I just wish I could understand him, and not live this unsecurity every time he talks to me about his fantasies.
A
female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (2 March 2010):
 Yes.. look up threesomes on this website using the search button. This is a common fantasy for both women and men. However, for some reason, men get fixated on this and loose all their sense.
I remember one Indian woman who finally got beaten down and agreed, she hated it, she felt disgusted and used. Didn't matter to her husband, he was already arranging another guy to come and screw her.
FANTASY, FANTASY!!!! Making this a reality is very, very hard. Your husband probably looks at porn too much. He thinks that what is on the computer/screen is exactly what it's like.
It's not, it brings up tons of jealousy, insecurities on the part of you and your husband. He'll be wondering if your gonna dump him for the guy with a bigger dick and a better sex technique. You'll be wondering the same. Then you'll both start looking back at your marriage and wonder how much of that was real, and how much was pretending and lies.
Swinging, threesomes, yes some people do this, but they are usually both in agreement, have a very biological idea about sexual love. They are also very clear headed and make sure their relationship is strong enough. They don't get obsessed and sidetracked by desire, they are too busy workiing out the details and the practaclities and makeing sure no one gets hurt.
Sigh.. men who get this obsession, never seem to be able to drop it. Yes they love you, it's nothing to do with love, it's to do with raw lust, inaccurate expectations and an obsessive mind. He dosen't realise that in movies (unlike real life) the women are always happy and don't break into tears and cry.
What can you do... when guys keep on pushing for this, I believe they are already on their way to cheating. They want the fantasy, so they will make it happen if they can.
You can slow him down, by maybe introducing more raunchy stuff into your love making. Going out in the nude with only a coat on. Booking a hotel room, and calling him up and playing the prostitute. Having sex in the open with the chance of being discovered. He wants a risk sex life, maybe if you make your love making more dangerous, he might be satisfied with that.
Personally.. talk to him, but in a situation like this, I'd be thinking of separation or divorce, unless you fancy threesomes or swinging yourself.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (2 March 2010):
 A man has many compartments in his mind.He can think of one thing and it has no connections to another compartment.
I.E He still love you in one compartment and his wanting to perform all those is another different thing.
It is not related to loving you or not.In his mind , he still loves you.
That is how his mind works. Even if he cheats, he still loves you .
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2010): Thank you for your thoughts, but has anyone lived something like this??? Does a man still love his wife even if he wants other experiences like this???
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (1 March 2010):
Perhaps this is a sign of a midlife crisis. Maybe he's trying to recapture that so called 'lost youth'. I'd suggest that you talk to him and ask him why he suddenly seems so obsessed with all this.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318 +, writes (1 March 2010):
He is obsessed with lustful thoughts and not in love. He could have OCD(Obsessive, compulsive disorder).Google for more info.
Like a needle getting stuck on an old record, obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) causes the brain to get stuck on a particular thought or urge.
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