A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:HI: I get along great with my co worker, and I really like him alot. We hit it off on just about every level. There are somethings, that I'm kinda eh, about, but overall, he really 'hits' me. We've gone out and had so much fun. I told him that I care for him. He told me that he is crazy about me too. We've been going back and forth for a while with our emotions over each other at work for a year, being that yes, he is married. Recently, inside I have been wondering waht's up. I know he cares, I know he knows I do to o, we can feel it in each other. Asked him what's up,in an in between kind of way and I think maybe he understood, I'm not sure, but when he couldn't go out with a few of us that night, understandably so, (as we usually do one night weekly maybe), I told him that I knew why he couldn't go out and understood, later he told me, "It doesn't mean that I don't love you anyway." Whatever that means..My question is, is it possible to actually love someone when you are married, but stay in you unsavory marriage.is that what where he is at then? I mean wouldn't you rather be happy with someone you connect so well with?? We have done nothing physical, and won't! I cannot deny the bond however, nor can he, so..In the meantime, I'm trying to adjust myself. Supposedly he will be loosing his house, will that cause tension in his relationship, I dunno, meanwhile I AM out trying to find men, but, because i see him everyday, it's hard to separate the emotions-they go back and forth as i try to block the emotion out, then whamo they are back again, cuz we really do care for each other.. Please do answer my questions, I'd like other input. ThankYou So much!
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male
reader, Wild Thaing  +, writes (14 November 2008):
 There is one initial question you need to answer honestly - do you think that you are satisfied with a situation in which you will never be the first or "the only?"
Just answer that straightforward question for us and we can guide you further.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'd like to thank those who have responded. Yes, I am a bit nieve a this scenerio I find myself in. I, in my mind know because it's been almost a year that he and i connnect and can sense things with eachother, though, he is married. His teeling me not long ago that he is crazy about me, and I telling him I care for him, Ithought was good cuz it puts it on the tabel. it hurts me when he montions his wife and how they are going to loose thier house and what not. He mentions his daughter from time to time. It is these reversals that seem to reel me in. The wall goes up, then comes down, then I put up a wall, and then I see him like hurting knowing that I put it up , then it somes down. I don't get the reversals. He can be vulgar time to time in gest, but he is a good guy. I think, yes, I'm considered his 'fantasy' at work, he's admitted that in play a time or two, (maybe he's a bit off to boot), but I just need an oar to paddle a bit here. I just need some clarification as to how to see his behavior. i mean, I know as who i am he adores me, now this sexual bantar for a year now, that actually made me fall for him in time. I just need a little direction from someone is all. i appreciate you're helping me to see. I work so close with him too,this could be tricky, when he puts it out there. Am I to avoid the hugs?? Am I to walk away at sexual jesting, Am I to run when we are alone and things heat up? When he then asks what's wrong, perhaps i should tell him, that we both admitted feelings, and its clear they can never be so. lay off the behavior if in you you aren't serious, though I'll miss you, cuz my heart can't take the teasing anymore?? S.O.S
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2008): I can truly sympathise. Its hard being the other woman. I met my boyfriend online, we met and have been a in a fun relationship for 3 years.... i always knew he was attached, and never once asked him to leave.... things did slow down last year between us, we used to be online every night chatting, emailing each other at work or texting, but this gradually dried up. then 5 weeks ago, he left her, i thought this would mean we could see each other more, he didnt have to lie anymore and we could have the fun back..... since he left, he has hardly contacted me, only when ive begged for an answer to my texts or emails, it really done my head in, and still does, i cant understand how someone whom ive had a fantastic relationship with, and considered my best friend, could just close the door with no explanation... and just not contact me again.... i have now stopped texting and emailing, as i got no answers and it just hurt me more...i know when he left her and his 2 kids that they were the victim.... but i feel used and now realise i was just a distraction when things were bad at home, and now he is not there anymore, he no longer needs me as that distraction... so i can see where your coming from, but you need to move on, dont get involved, because the same could happen to you, and believe me, it hurts.
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A
male
reader, oldfool  +, writes (13 November 2008):
 Your question sounds strangely innocent. I think you should look at it from another angle. His marriage didn't start out like this. It's quite possible that he "connected on every level" with his wife before they started to cool off. Do you really think it would be different with you? Do you think that everything would still be fun if he left his wife and decided to marry you?
By the way, Birdynums is right. It's easy for him to be fun and loving. He has a wife at home and a love interest outside. But that's only because you're in the "romantic phase". He is in a good position because he has the stability of marriage, PLUS these romantic feelings in a relationship devoid of responsibility. Maybe he hasn't started to "have his cake and eat it too" -- YET -- but that is how things could go.
Don't dream how wonderful it might be or wonder why he wants to stay with his wife. Try and be a bit realistic about what is really likely to happen if you continue down this path. If it is the same as other extramarital affairs, the chances are that only pain and heartbreak will result.
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums +, writes (13 November 2008):
 Really?
You don't have any qualms about a man who is married?
Please tell me that you have SOME modicum of sense and that you KNOW that this is a flipping recipe for disaster? You must either be extremely naive or this is a wind up. Surely you know that he is trying to have his cake and eat it too?
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