A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Is it possible to know if you probably will end up with someone at some point?There's this guy who is one of my best friends and I know him incredibly well, like, including all his wank fantasies and alternative methods of wanking and we've read his diary together and there is literally no way we could be closer.Our relationship has always been quite flirty, we spend a lot of time jumping on each other or he tickles me and even some of my friends have commented on the sexual tension.I spent ages in love with him and then we slept together and it was wonderful until he started making bullshit excuses about the stress it would put on our relationship and then it was awful for two weeks while I was falling apart and had a realisation that he would never love me. Then I get this call from him where he said that he couldn't stop thinking about what happened and then after a pretty long discussion, we decided to be FWB. I know it wasn't the smartest thing for me to suggest, being still not completely over him, but we went ahead and did that until he decided that he really liked this other girl, who is his gf at the moment.The way we left things was very open and I could see it being very easy to get back to a stage of that attraction we had that drove us crazy. At first I wanted to punch him repeatedly, now, I'm not sure if I'm over him - half the time I'm upset and the rest of the time I have an irrationally large amount of platonic love for him, as I do for my best friends ever.Even through all the relationships we've been in, we've always been kind of interested in each other, but nothing has ever grown.Is it possible that we could end up together?I don't know why, but I feel that we're a bit like monica and chandler always were, how you can see from the start that something was there, yet it took years for anything to happen.How often would a real relationship grow out of just friends?Has too little happened that nothing will ever Happen, or am I the rachel to his inner ross?Sorry for the friends references.Also, I'm not writing this looking for comfort because I'm not over him, I genuinely am having serious doubts that we will go through life without even having a shot at a serious relationship and was wondering what other people's opinions and experiences were.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2010): Well, I'm pleased to hear ' Romance' is not dead amongst singletons. You shared his wank fantasies, no wonder he treats you as one of the lads, and FWB's.. sorry but if you like a guy and want to be seen as potential girlfriend material you have to act like it. Guys will woo girls who act selective, who make the guy pursue them, because they FEEL they are worth that.
I agree with ' marieclaire 'answer, well said, except we have to take responsibility for our own decisions and the way we behave, and agreeing to be FWB does not show any real idea of what a relationship is about, once you did this, you became just a sex object to get horny with, and I'm afraid SEX never won the heart of any guy, regardless of how good it is. You first have to win his respect, so please, please in the future don't share wank fantasies with a guy, not if you want a real relationship.
Let him go, and start again..Hope you find what you're looking for!
Jilly x
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (14 June 2010):
 Correct me if I am wrong, it's a while I don't peruse my "Friends " DVD collection, but Monica and Chandler were never FWB. They talked about being FWB ,for about a week.. but they couldn't, because they had fallen in love right away. And in all the years of their friendship there
was never any repressed sexual tension- just plain simple affection and camaraderie. The whole point of the plot is that when they got together it was sort of an "aha " moment, an illumination,- a "this is it ! this is the real thing ! ".
Of course,then- Friends is TV,not real life. Just to point out that the initial circumstances were very different in your case.
The truth is that yours was a lopsided relationship to begin with. You were in love and he was not. He likes you,yes,but only just enough for something very no strings and uncommitted that leaves him plenty of space to date other girls that he prefers to you.
If you can stomach this kind of crap in the name of "friendship " and "love " suit yourself. I am sorry if I sound mean-the truth is ,it really gets at me when women
tell themselves lies to justify being taken advantage of.
You want to do something foolish ? Then go ahead and do it, you are entitled to it ! you are young , and everybody of us has been a fool for love at some point of their lifes. But do it with open eyes : the most dangerous lies are those we tell to ourselves.
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A
female
reader, bitterblue  +, writes (14 June 2010):
 Obviously something was missing from your relationship since it did not go further than FWB. You can trick yourself thinking he will at some point see you as his match and best choice or you can forget him and move on to someone who values you enough to claim you as his girlfriend and treat you as such, be exclusive and committed to you and act as a loving partner.Usually guys have FWB relationships with women they don't see as girlfriend material, or they would simply make it official and not have to hide. If you want to lift the veil over his eyes and have him see how great you were together, etc. you'll probably achieve the contrary. So I say, better to leave this alone; you also can't blame him, since you suggested and went ahead with the game and knew the rules and that it could end at any point. I'm sure this is a hard lesson learned and you'll find a suitable partner for you - not him. All the best.
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